Azure Saviour | dark h.s.

forty six | 46

Spacious, slightly messy, and happy, with a lot of pastel colours, was what described the space perfectly. Stillness was within the room as I walked inside, at snail speed, closing the door behind me. My eyes wandered around, taking in the details of everything that I remembered so well. A room that I'd only been in once, before we took her back to the hospital.

I glanced quickly towards the pearl toned dresser, at a specific spot to find the item I was looking for, missing. My brows furrowed slightly as I walked towards it, wanting to double check if it was moved to an area that I couldn't see. I dragged my fingers along the wooden surface, knowing that the object must have been misplaced. I knew that it was here somewhere.

Moving my focus around the room, I tried to locate it, but it wasn't in view. My chest started to feel as if a heavy weight was shifting on top of it. I had to get out of here. I wasn't ready. As soon as I was about to turn around, I heard sniffles in another corner of the room and it was clear that they belonged to one person — Harry.

Slowly, I made my way around the bed and found the love of my life balled up in the corner of the bed and the side table. He was rocking slightly back and forth as he held onto something tightly; and I knew exactly what it was.

The sounds of tears that escaped from his eyes and the effort made from the deepest part of his chest, was a dense load onto his heart — both of ours. Reaching him, I quietly crouched down to his level, sitting on the ground. He hadn't realised that I was even in the room until I gently placed my hand onto his knees. His eyes quickly darted up to mine, bloodshot red, and wet filled with sadness. His vulnerability was evident and his strength was a million times more than he already owns.

He swiftly placed the frame onto the ground and wiped away his tears with the back of his hands, showing me an empty smile. He tried to hide his pain from me; but I shook my head and looked deeply into his beautiful jade eyes. I silently told him that it was okay and within seconds, he'd took hold of me, and I pulled him to my chest. I embraced him tightly as he held onto me, as if I were going to fade away in the air around us. He wanted to make sure that I was real and that there was someone there for him in his own way. The damp feeling of my hair or clothes wasn't a barrier or a reason to part from one another. We both loved the rain for many reasons. He once told me that, rain cleanses the body and soul; and I believed that in an extent. It wasn't the only way though. If it were, those who lived in a desert, would all be living with hatred, sadness, and misery.

The elements around us affected the way we feel on the inside, but it wasn't a definition. We defined ourselves with the way we express the emotions within us through words, actions, and thoughts. The thoughts remain a silent conversation within our mind, but are transferred to the world verbally and physically. Showing them, was a process to communicate to those around us; and a part, meant to convey our emotions. 

I knew very well that he was holding it all together for me, just being there like he promised me; but I needed to be his support system. We needed each other during this hard time. Knowing that precious girl for three years and him less than just one, it still brought pain to his heart.

Something inside me told me that she wasn't just considered a friend to him, but as a daughter. Someone that he knew much more than his own blood, physically talking, playing, holding, and loving to her. There was strong emotions towards both of them, in purely unique ways; and in ways that I would never understand.

His silent chocked sobs, turned vocal as seconds passed by. He finally felt like he didn't have to hide and show his emotions in secret. He opened up to me and to himself, knowing that he wasn't alone in this. As much as I cried in the recent past, at this specific moment in time, I was strong enough for him to prevent my own tears from falling. I had absolutely no idea how I was doing it, but it was mysteriously happening.