next door || nct. chensung

[ 15 ]

[ chenle pov]

as i walked out of school, a hand went over my shoulder as the person said, "hey chenle!" i turned around to see donghyuck smiling. i smiled back.

"hey donghyuck," i said back. he put down his hand slowly, and asked, "could you... um... tutor me? i'm sorry, it's just... i really suck at math. and you skipped a grade so you must really understand everything in class."

"yeah of course, nothing to be sorry about." i hid my shaking hand behind my back and held it with my other. "let's go, there's a library nearby." we walked side by side together to the library. it was silent but sometimes donghyuck would just talk about something random. he is really cheery.

♣️

we walked into the big library and went up to the third floor. we found a good table by the window and decided to settle there. i noticed donghyuck kept glancing at me from time to time as we were taking out our materials for math. forgetting about my shaking hand, i placed my hand on the table as i waited for him to take out his books. he noticed and pointed at it.

"your hand, why is it shaking?" he asked. i quickly took it back and put it in between my thigh and the seat. that will probably leave a mark soon.

"it's nothing." i said. "let's start." i went through the chapter of algebraic equations slowly for donghyuck to be able to understand.

"i can't take in this much information, let's take a break." then, he reached into his bag and took out two packets of sweets. "take this, quickly before the librarian comes." i quickly opened the sweet packet and popped it in my mouth, looking around to see if a librarian was coming. there was a pause, a short one. before donghyuck said, "i heard jisung confessed, and that you haven't been talking to him lately. why are you ignoring him?" i looked up at him and looked down again. jisung must've told him. and now, i felt worse than i did before. i stared at my shaking hand on the table that was in the grasp of my other.

"promise you won't tell anyone?" i looked up again. i've known donghyuck for around half a year. he has been really nice to me and you could say i consider him a close friend. he nodded quickly at my question. i took in a deep breath and looked up.

"it's not that i don't like jisung, i don't know... i'm just scared... it was a year ago. there was this new boy who transferred to my school, to my class too. he was really nice and i kind of liked him. in that way. i was only 16 that time, so i didn't know what to do. and my parents were always supportive of me, no matter what. so i thought it was the same in this case too. i-" i talked quicker, perspiration started to form on my hands and i started to panick, i don't know why either. donghyuck put his hand on mine as comfort and said, "you don't have to if you don't want to, it's fine." i looked up at him and down at my shaking hand that was shaking faster than usual. tears started forming in my eyes and clouded my vision. i wiped them with my free hand, "i thought they'd be fine with it, fine with me being... bisexual. but..." i started crying, and donghyuck moved his chair to the side closer to me and hugged me. i cried softer, afraid the librarian would come, as i rested my forehead in my arm on the table. i brought my body up, still looking down. "they weren't fine with it... they told me to get lost, they told me to fuck off. they watched me pack my bags while i was crying. and they screamed never to come back."

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well, wasn't that a long ass ride.