The Doctor Will See You Now [Non-Fiction]

Chapter 59: General Surgery

Chester is a 75-year-old man who comes in with abdominal pain and difficulty passing stool. When questioned, he says he hasn't passed a stool in three days and he's getting crampy lower abdominal pain.

An abdominal x-ray shows a glass bottle in his rectum. One of those that are about 500ml in size.

The resident asks him if he's been putting anything up his bum lately. He admits to inserting stuff into his rectum for sexual pleasure on and off for the past three years. About three days ago, he put a glass bottle up there and couldn't get it back out. He decided to then leave it in hopes of nature sorting itself out.

Nature did not sort itself out.

The resident tries to pull it out at the bedside but fails. She books Chester in for surgery to remove it. In the surgery, it's discovered the bottle has jammed into the wall of his rectum to the point where the wall is thin and deprived of blood supply... and about to break.

Chester ends up with a colostomy because the damaged rectum is unviable.

Be careful what you put up your butts, folks.