The Doctor Will See You Now [Non-Fiction]

Chapter 21: Paediatrics

A quick tutorial on clinical paediatrics:

- Babies are actually very soft and cute... until they poop or spray-pee or projectile-vomit

- Some parents are worse than the kids. Seriously, I'm just taking blood. Stop crying. Even your kid isn't crying.

- Below 2 year olds are awesome. So are four year olds and above. The term "terrible twos" are no exaggeration. Conversations often go:

Me: Words

Parents: Words

2-year-old: screams in Satan

- Stickers are a valid form of currency when bargaining with children in exchange for a physical examination, cannulation, or blood draw. Sometimes works on adults, too.

- Examining a child is wholly opportunistic. Hugging mum? Quick, listen to their backs. They spin around to swipe at you? Listen to their chest. They're screaming at the top of their lungs? Quick, peep at the tonsils and mucosal membranes. Brute force only reserved for the ear exams and blood draws, the latter of which might require a strait jacket. I'm not kidding. Small kids pack a punch.