Demi Imagines 3.0

Falling

A/N I apologize for disappearing; I've included an explanation at the end

Demi's POV

I fell for her the way you fall down the stairs. Before I knew what was happening, I was falling. And then I'd fallen. And for a moment, I was numb. And then things started to throb. And the pain continued for a while after that. The bruises and scars remained long after the fall.

And I blamed myself for a while. Let's step (haha) away from the metaphor for a moment.

I blamed myself. I thought I wasn't enough for her. I thought I did something wrong. I thought I was the one at fault. Oh I shouldn't have assumed. Oh I shouldn't have let myself fall. Oh I shouldn't have ignored all those red flags.

Granted, you should never ignore red flags. But you have to remember how love works. You're absolutely blind to whatever shit they have in their closets. You don't care. You can only see the good in them. You just think about how beautiful they are and how you wish you could be with them.

It's not your fault. Not really.

And it wasn't my fault. But that didn't stop me from thinking I wasn't good enough. I thought something was wrong with me.

Hell, I still do. Rejection never feels good. That's why people don't put themselves out there.

She broke my heart. And my heart had been broken too many times that year. It still hasn't healed. No matter how much love I get now.

Whenever I see her, it hurts. The love turned rotten and now I hate her. I hate to see her. I hate hearing her voice. I hate seeing her face. I don't want to see her. But I do. Every day. I can never escape from her.

I fell for her. And every single day, I regret it. I would undo everything if it meant I wouldn't hold these wounds. But I can't change what happened. I gave her everything and she gave me nothing. She was my whole book and I wasn't even a page in hers.

Oh but when it's convenient for her? Yeah. She'll scribble me in. She'll scribble me in so I can help her with something. Or so I can hype her up. Or so she can ask me what I like about her. Or tell me how things are with her new boyfriend. Yeah. That doesn't make me compare myself to him. No way.

I regret everything. I regret you. I regret me. I regret us.

I'm left with scars that have been opened again and again. Over and over. By you. You keep them open and pour salt in them. Do you mean to? Is it an accident?

I don't know.

But do I care?

Yes.

I can't help it.

I care.

I will always care.

I'll never lose feelings for you.

No matter how horrible a person you are.

And I hate myself for it.

A/N

Idk what this was—a rant? basically

my boyfriend is great though I love him

so yeah I'm sorry for disappearing. I was having a hard time—kinda still am. Things are tough but I'm trying to get back into writing. 

And things are getting a bit tough for me financially too ngl

I don't want to sell out and make my shit cost money—I'm not doing that until I manage to publish publish ya know?

But if you enjoy my work, I would really appreciate any donations. My Paypal is in my bio.

Thanks for putting up with my shit and sticking around

I love you all a lot