Knowing Me, Knowing You | (S/P)

Chapter 34

I would have expected him to call me hysterical, irrational, dramatic. That's what everyone else has told me in the past –even if they didn't say the words, the quick, judgmental glances or cryptic comments had the same purpose. But he didn't. Even now, as I taste his breath on my lips.

His face is hovering about mine, our bodies cocooned under the bedsheets. "How are you feeling? Good?"

I hide my face on the crook of his neck, dropping a tender kiss against it. "Good."

I never thought that I could bring myself to tell him about Mason. Much less to tell him that I love him. We woke up less than an hour ago, and Nathaniel's been an even more charming version of himself.

I can't remember getting into bed last night. All I recall is being in his arms while he whispered assuring words and for a moment, the world spun in the right direction.

"I have nightmares sometimes."

"What about?"

"Nothing tangible, just the feeling of being frightened." I lay my head on his chest, and his grip around me tightens.

"Did you have nightmares last night?"

"No." Never when I'm with him. "I don't have nightmares when you're here."

Will tried to take that darkness out of me –tried to make it invisible. Tried to make it look ugly. The sadness, the fear, the struggle. As if it subtracted braveness, as if it made me less noble, less capable of love, less...me.

Nathaniel has embraced it. He's allowed me to feel all that in all of its brightness –all its gloominess. And with that, the realization that it is going away –someday, somehow– has been rendered clearer, tangible.

He has looked me in the eyes and has seen me. Alexia. Not ripped edges that need mending.

His ability to be vulnerable with me has given me the freedom to be vulnerable with myself.

And despite knowing that the road ahead won't be easy, that we will have more hurdles to overcome, the physical sensation of him grounds me, and the thoughts don't frighten me.

"How did you know I was home last night?" He tilts his head, his narrowed eyes peering down at me.

"I didn't." I hoped that he would, but there was a big chance that he had gone back home for the holidays. "I didn't consciously realize what I was doing until you opened the door." 

"Your heart knows the way."

"Aww, I missed your cheesy self." I tease him, my fingernails digging into his ribs. He pushes himself up to a sitting position, his lips grazing my cheek.

"Just my cheesy self?"

"Among other things." I sit in bed as well, bringing our lips together and perhaps because now he knows that I love him, the connection feels different. A kind of different that still reminisces of safeness and familiarity while bringing a new sense of intimacy.

"I'm thankful for you, Alexia." The connotation of his words doesn't reach my senses right away. The corners of his lips twitch in amusement. "You know, it's thanksgiving."

"Oh, right." I muddle over how that might be the nicest thing someone has said to me, and also how cheesy, but this is Nathaniel and honestly, that's one of the things that I love the most about him. I'm thankful for you too, professor. My GPA would be 3 feet underground if it wasn't for you."

"Ms. Saunders, what am I ever going to do with you?" He shakes his heads as he looks at me inquisitively, trying to look frustrated but ending up betrayed by a goofy smile covering his face.