Knowing Me, Knowing You | (S/P)

Chapter 14

September 12th.

Twenty minutes after I'm walking inside Nathaniel's apartment building, having changed my mind not twice, but at least four times. 

The reasonable, smart half of me acknowledges why this is wrong. However, the other half is having a hard time daydreaming about all the other possibilities.

It wasn't hard to remember how to get to his building, since it's been less than two weeks I was here, and the fact he lives in a well-known neighborhood. Nevertheless, the traffic was a bit heavy considering the day and time, which didn't help at all to calm my anxiety.

If truth be told, I'm not sure what my expectations about this meeting are. Careless, irresponsible, self-sabotaging; all those words have been swirling in my mind. All presenting different scenarios in which we both would end up immensely, royally, screwed. But then again, the unexpected could happen. The only thing I know for sure is that turning a blind eye to the whole situation is not the smart way to go.

Drawing as many oxygen into my lungs as I can, I gently knock three times on the door of his apartment.

It takes him just a few seconds to open, a shy smile curling his lips as he steps asides to let me in. 

"You've done some redecoration since I was here." I notice the new paintings covering the walls and the beige curtains, giving the place a more modern aura.

"That was my sister." Nathaniel guides me to the living room, inviting me to take a seat. 

Before the whole kiss thing happened, I had no problem with looking at him directly, in holding his gaze whenever he was discussing something in class. However, now, it seems I'm not able to make the slightest bit of eye contact. He sits beside me, leaving a space between us.

My fingers move anxiously on my lap, unable to find a decent way to say what I want to say. I know why I'm here, I just having troubles controlling the butterflies, my god the whole zoo, sprinting in my stomach.

"A penny for your thoughts."

"I keep telling myself this is all kinds of wrong, but a part of me is convinced that for once the wrong thing is the right thing to do." Nathaniel leans forwards, his elbows pressed against his knees.

"All my professional life I've been trying to avoid any kind of conflictive situations that may imply any unnecessary risk. And I had been doing a rather decent job, until I met you." 

I open my mouth to protest, but he stops me before I can say anything. 

"Please, let me finish. I know I misjudged you since the moment you took a seat in my classroom, and I know you did just the same with me. We both started with the wrong foot, but I'm now convinced that only happened because deep know we knew how affected we were by each other's presence. I'm not one to believe in love at first sight ­— I am by no means implying that's what we have here." He adds quickly when panic starts spreading across my face.

"The truth is that I don't what this is. I've never in my life been more confused about...my feelings. You said how I distract you, but you've got that the wrong way. You don't know how difficult it's been for me to not stare at you all the time. To contain myself from just asking you how your weekend was, to say something to make you smile. Now, I don't know what is going to happen here, I won't deny this is a very conflictive situation, but I do know I can no longer ignore what I feel for you."

What I feel for you. 

Mr. Hotshot Professor has a way with words. I couldn't expect less from an English Literature professor. My heart is beating a mile per minute, my hands are clammy and my throat has turned dry; I don't know what to say to his previous declarations. I don't know if I'm more concerned this is all a real-life situation, or flattered he feels that way about me.