Lethal Attachment

Chapter 42

#LethalAttachmentWP

Chapter 42
Casino

It didn't took a long time for me to arrive in a park near our tower. However, I didn't go home to my unit just yet. As I wanted a peaceful time for myself to think things through, I turned off my phone to prevent any distraction. Going back to my unit would only make myself lose control and drown in my thoughts that could turn the wheels into the wrong path.

If ever Rojan would notice and realize that I've gone off already, he would surely look for me in my unit. My mind was fighting against my heart who just wanted to rest for tonight. It was screaming and demanding to meet Rojan—talk to him and finally settle things out, but my decision to be alone and spend time with myself was overpowering its thirst for his presence.

I didn't want to have a confrontation with him, while my mind and heart were in a state of calamity. I knew it wouldn't go well. I would surely spoil my broken heart and make sure that Rojan would also be under the same pain as I was.

Kilala ko ang sarili ko at alam kong hindi ako mapagkakatiwalaan kapag nasasaktan ako. Paniguradong itutulak ko siya nang itutulak palayo gamit ang mga masasakit na salit na aking bibitawan nang hindi pinag-iisipan. Ayokong mangyari 'yon kaya mas mabuting magpakalayo-layo at mapag-isa ako ngayong gabi kung saan alam kong walang maaaring gumambala sa akin.

Maybe tomorrow, my mind would finally clear up and my heart would calm down from the pain. Or maybe, it's best to just wait for him to come back from his trip in San Francisco since they'd have to leave tomorrow night. 'Til then, I would keep my distance while having a deep self-reflection.

Nagdesisyon akong magcheck-in sa isang hotel na malapit lamang sa aking condo matapos kong bumili ng kumportableng damit at pati na rin ang panloob. It was just a three-star hotel which had comfortable rooms. I chose a single room with a queen-size bed. Alam kong hindi rin ako pwedeng magtagal dito bukas lalo na't kailangan ko pang magtrabaho at ayusin ang schedule ni Rojan sa susunod na dalawang linggo. I just needed to pick the right time when to go home. Pwedeng kuhanin ko na lang din ang iPad at maligo bago muling umalis. Then, at night, it's finally safe to go back home since he wouldn't be back 'til next, next week.

Planadong-planado ko na ang aking gagawin ngayong gabi hanggang bukas kaya inabala ko na ang sarili ko sa paglinis ng aking katawan. I took a hot shower which, ironically, cooled down my body.

After taking a shower, I sat down on the comfy bed, wearing cotton shorts and a shirt. I used the towel of the hotel to dry my hair before I lay down. But as I grew quiet, doing nothing, my thoughts started to travel from where I left off earlier.

Kita sa mukha ni Rojan na nagulat siya sa hindi inaasahang pangyayari, pero sa kabila no'n ay hindi ko alam kung ano pa ang tumatakbo sa kanyang isipan. I wanted to know his thoughts about it. I also ought to know what Charity's father told him. Hindi ko mapigilan ang sariling maging kuryoso sa mga bagay na hindi ko dapat pinag-iisipan ngayong gabi.

It felt like I was back to square one when Rojan and I just met again. I was very conscious of how would I act in front of him once I see him after this unexpectedly cruel night.

Dahan-dahan kong dinala ang aking kamay sa tapat ng aking dibdib. I was amazed how my heart managed to keep the normal rhythm of its beat, even when it's troubled by the pain. Maybe this was the unanticipated reward of living while hanging on the edge of misery and being pushed by regret for those previous times ever since I broke up with him. Nagagawa ko nang makipagsabayan sa sakit nang walang gaanong luha akong iniipon at pinapakawalan.

Suffocating from my neverending thoughts, I drifted to sleep without realizing it. I woke up when a bright ray of light shined on my eyes. I winced and turned to the ther side of the bed. I slept for a few minutes more before I decided to fully wake up.