My Brother's Boyfriend ✓

Nineteen

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry

His hands slip up underneath my shirt and lift it over my head, taking it off of me, leaving me in just my boxers.

"You're so beautiful," he whispers and starts kissing down my chest, but it doesn't feel like it did last night. He pulls my boxers off and frees my hardened member, and I feel a little betrayed by it.

He stands up and takes his clothes off quickly, grabs a condom, and puts it on. When he pushes in, it hurts. It didn't hurt like this yesterday.

"You're fine, you're still prepped from yesterday," he tells me and moves faster. I lie there, unmoving as he uses my body for his own pleasure. When he's done, he takes the condom off and tosses it in the trash, leaving me there on the bed, all alone as he goes to get in the shower. He didn't even invite me this time, though I'm not sure I would have said yes had he done so.

Wanting to escape as soon as possible, I get up quickly and put on my boxers, immediately flinching at the pain.

Too quick. Too much too fast.

I move slower and pull my boxers and jeans back on, and curl up on the bed, laying with my head on the pillow. I can't help but cry a little because of how much it hurts, and how betrayed I feel.

How could he do this to me? I told him I didn't want to, but then he wouldn't listen? Is that even...okay?

Is that normal?

I mean...I did have an erection, so maybe I did want it?

He kept telling me I wanted it, so maybe, because of the fact that I'm so inexperienced, I didn't know if I wanted it.

He is far more experienced than me, and that has never bothered me before, but I feel so...used. I don't think this is how I should feel after sex with my boyfriend. I'm supposed to feel special, loved, and cared for.

I'm supposed to feel the way I felt last night, but this time I just feel used and hurt and in pain. In order to distract myself when I hear the water stop running in the bathroom, and take my mind off of what could possibly come next, I pull out my phone. Remembering Harry, and the fight he had with Nick, I decide I should probably text him to see if I'm okay and let him know that I won't be coming back tonight.

Then Toby comes out, as my phone is in my hand. He comes back out wiping himself down, still completely naked, and walks over to his bag to pull on some clean clothes.

"Who are you texting?" He asks me, noticing my phone in my hand.

"Harry. He and Nick got into a big fight today and I'm worried about him. Plus, I'm telling him I'm not going to be home tonight because he's been staying there. His parents left for a vacation and he doesn't have a key to the house, so he's been staying with Nick in our room, and I've been sleeping in the basement," I tell him truthfully and hit send on the message before tucking it back into my pocket. I try to explain everything all in one go so he doesn't have the chance to accuse me of hiding anything from him.

He doesn't say anything, but I see his jaw clenching from across the room, and his eyes narrow ever so slightly. Oh no. Oh, no, please don't get angry.

"Okay. I never asked, babe, what made you decide to dye your hair?" He asks suddenly, attempting to make nonchalant conversation like a normal boyfriend would, totally ignoring the thing about Harry.

Blessedly.

But he isn't a normal boyfriend.

Right?

A normal boyfriend wouldn't hurt me like that.

Right?

"Um, I was talking to Zayn about how I wanted to separate myself from my brother because I feel like I'm always living in his shadow, so he dragged me to a salon and told me I should do it, but I wasn't really sure I wanted to. I told him that if it looked bad, or if I didn't like it, I was going to shave his head and he agreed," I explain, but I see his eyes hardening and his jaw clenching, "But it ended up turning out okay and now I feel better about myself than I have in years. I have you to thank for that," I add, hoping to make him feel better with a compliment.