In The Middle (Prinxiety)

Is Anxiety Okay?-Three

This chapter contains panic attacks and self harm

Roman continues to yell, soon followed by Logan. I try to help, but that only makes things worse. Soon enough my vision goes blurry and I loose all ability to talk. I start panicking more and more which makes everything worse. Eventually Patton is against me and everyone is shouting. Thomas is on the floor balling.

I just decide it's best to leave and so I do. I sink down and reappear in my room, just in time to collapse in my bathroom. I scream and sob into my jacket sleeves. My vision is blurry and I'm struggling to breath.

Patton's POV

I instantly regret yelling at Anxiety when I see tears well up in his eyes, and before I know it, he's gone. I turn back to Thomas, sniffling every once in a while.

After everything is set, I sit down with Logan and Roman for lunch. I eat in silence, answering questions with either monosyllables or a simple motion. Once I finish I lay on the couch and just silently sob to myself.

I can feel a weight by my head, when I look up it's Roman with a concerned face.

"What's wrong Pat? Are you alright?"

"N-No. We shouldn't have yelled at Anxiety."

"Why not? He was hurting Thomas."

"Did you not see the tears welling up in his eyes. I think that he actually didn't know why Thomas was feeling like that. Now Thomas might be feeling worse because of us yelling at Anxiety." I snap.

Roman gasps with an emotion I'm not sure of, "I'm going to check on Thomas and take Logan with me. You go check on Anxiety."

I nod and scramble up the stairs. When I reach Anxiety's door I knock on it and once I don't get a response, I try the door knob. It's surprisingly unlocked and that worries me more.

I step into his room and almost jump at the dark room. The walls are pitch black and are littered with purple colored paintings, but the paintings are wonderful and look as if they were there for a long time despite the fact that Virgil just came here recently. The carpet is a dark purple. The purples are from medium darkness to one of the darkest shades that I've ever seen. He has a black wooden desk with a purple desk lamp and there is a ton of scattered books on the desk. I look at his bed and the frame is once again black wood, then bed is neatly made and the comforter is a blend of purple and black. There doesn't look to be any lights in here other than a strand of LED lights in the shade of purple that leaves a nice glow across the room and the desk lamp. There are a few beanbag chairs spread around. There is also a few sketchbooks and pencils on the desk along with an easel near it.

I don't see Anxiety anywhere though. That is until I hear sobbing coming from the bathroom, it's muffled and quiet. I walk over the closed black door and see light streaming in this room from there so I quickly knock. 

Soon I hear a muffled, "What do you want Patton?"

"Hey kiddo. I just came to check up on ya. Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, now leave me alone." I hear the boy call then a quick, muffled sniffle soon after.

I finally give up after a few minutes of trying and walk out, closing the door behind me actually feeling quite angry. I throw myself on the couch and let my mind race.

Roman's POV

I find Patton on the couch in a ball of agony. He's groaning and making angry yet upset noise. I sit by him and rub his shoulder.

"Hey bud. What's wrong?"

"I-I don't really know. I left Anxiety's room feeling just overall angry and upset. I think it's because my dark strange son doesn't trust me or anyone else enough." Patton sobs. That really makes my blood boil. Anxiety is the only one that has ever made Patton feel like this. He can't just bombard the Sander Sides series and then make everyone feel horrible.

I let go of Patton and rush up the stairs. I slam my fists on the black door angrily shouting things like "How could you upset Patton!", "You're just the worst person ever.", "A bad guy is all you'll ever be!" This suffices a loud sob from Anxiety and a loud scream saying something like, "It's not my fault I was born like this you bitch!" I jump at the response and just angrily stroll away.

Anxiety's POV

I wait until I hear Patton leave and my door shut to attempt to stand up, still crying. I still am struggling to breath.

When I look in the mirror I sigh at my appearance. My hair is messy and the ends are slightly tear soaked. My eye shadow and makeup have been ruined and it's running around my entire face. The places on my face that are open and uncovered are red and puffy. The veins in my eyes are showing very clearly and I have tears streaming down my face.

I eventually roll my sleeves up to reveal my 'art'. My arms are coated from elbow down in red scabbed over scars. I've been doing this since I was first added in the Sander Sides as it helps me relieve stress. 

"A few more wont hurt right?" I say to myself grabbing my blade from inside my mirror. I do a few cuts. 1...2...3...4...5. That's all I decide to do for today. I pull my sleeves down and sit at my desk. I turn on my desk lamp and pull one of my sketchbooks and pencils forward to a comfortable reach.

I'm just settling down when I hear aggressive slamming on my door. Soon after I hear horrible yelling, coming from... Roman. He's shouting things like, "You're the worst person ever! You made Patton cry! A bad guy is all you'll ever be!" That last sentence hit me like a rock. I attempt to hide a sob but fail then I yell, "It's not my fault I was born like this you bitch!" I steady my breath to calm myself

I start sketching on an empty page. I'm not exactly sure what it is, but there are three males. Soon enough, the image comes to mind. There is a medium sized man with his arms crossed and his gaze on another one of the people and they have ears and a tail, Depression. A tall figure with his hands buried in the pockets and a blood stream on his face by his lips, there are scales and his eye is snake like, Deceit. Finally, the third boy is a medium height with his head down and his hands hidden in his jacket pockets and fangs and some wings, me.

In the drawing, the three of us dark-sides are showing our true forms which differs us from everyone else. My figure is in the middle and my large wings are surrounding all three of us. I'm wearing my iconic jacket. Deceit has his regular outfit and the scales on his face are drawn very carefully with extra detail. Then Depression's expression is shy and he wears a jacket with plenty of unbuckled buckles that reveals a white t-shirt that's half tucked into black ripped skinny jeans. He's wearing high tops and a large belt, his long hair is put in a rat tail. And I make sure to put detail in his mangled ears and tail and into my rough and ripped wings.

It takes many hours but soon I get to coloring them and when I'm finished, I pin it on the inside of my closet door with other drawings I don't want to be seen. I quickly put all my sketchbooks in a drawer together, I put all my books in my bookshelf, and I throw all my utensils either in a junk drawer or in a pencil cup. 

I reapply my makeup quickly then grab my phone and put my earbuds in. I turn on my mix playlist, which has a lot of MCR, P!ATD, TØP, FOB, and quite a few other bands, then put my phone in my pocket. I hide my fangs and walk out of my room, locking the door.

I then make my way down the stairs humming Famous Last Words from MCR quite happily. I survey the area to see Patton on the couch watching cartoons his smile wide. He waves happily to me and I nod, but continue walking with a hidden smile from behind my hood. When I make my way to the kitchen, I see Logan reading a cookbook and trying his best to make soup. I'm not sure what soup he's making, but I don't try to figure out. I like it best when I go unnoticed.