My Disney Prince

34. Confession.

How long has it been? I've just been laying here, slowing losing my mind. Everything still hurts. Everything is still just black. I've just been laying here. I say that but I know I've been moved. I felt it. 

I stretched out my hand and felt the covers beneath me. They moved me out of the cave. They probably thought it wasn't safe. But now I don't know where I am and I can't see anything. I'm in a constant state of panic and half the time I can't breathe.

I hate the dark. I hate it so much. There's nothing but pain and death in the dark. Thomas he... He never had a problem with the dark. He was always so sicky most of the time he was stuck in bed. He would have me turn the lights off so he could make these shadow puppets with his flashlight. I'd just sit and watch. The dark is something I am very familiar with but the fear that comes with it is... debilitating. 

I could feel myself start to slowly snap. I've tried. I have lit my hands on fire. I have made things explode. Anything and everything I could to shine some sort of light in this darkness but nothing. I couldn't see any of hit. I learned. It wasn't dark. There was light. I just couldn't see it.

That only made it worse. The voices came back. They're just screaming in the back of my mind, filling the silence with nonsense and insanity. Occasionally I'd hear Patton or Roman, but... It was drowned out. It doesn't matter anyway. It's probably my mind just playing tricks on me.

Thomas would tell me to think about all the good things. List off my favorite things like Maria in the sound of music. 

"Virgil?" I narrowed my eyes and groaned. There was utter silence, not even the voices were talking. So where? "Virgil?"

"T-Thomas?" There was this light and I smiled. I could see it but... Something was telling me it wasn't real. He died after all. He died when he was 7. Why did I think he was there talking to me. I felt someone grab my hand and I felt my body shake. "Thomas, you're..."

"Hush now, Virgil. It's ok. You're going to be ok." I shook my head and tried to pull my hand away but he just held tighter. I can't see shit, everything hurts and... And Roman.

"He knows... He has to." I started to shake more as my thought ran rampant. It was getting late. The sun was going down. I was taking him back to the cave. I... I can't... I can't remember anything after that. I just remember him yelling at me. "Roman must know now."

"Know what?" I frowned. I never really wanted to tell him the truth. I didn't want to lose him. I don't even know if I have. 

"That I'm a dragon... that I was the dragon he..." His grip tightened and I smiled. "There is so much I never told him. So much more that he... Why would he want to stay with someone like me?"

"Why wouldn't he?" I narrowed my eyes and heard him laugh. I wish I could actually see him. I miss him so much. Forget it. The voices are right. Thomas is long since gone. I'm just hallucinating him to fill the void. "Virgil, Why wouldn't he?"

"Because I'm a monster."

"You are not..." I shook my head and he stopped.

"You don't know, Thomas. You died too young. You... never saw what I became. What I did..." The light slowly began to vanish as the tears began to fall. "I always said my father made me. It was his fault, but he only gave the order. I was the one who went through with it. Lydia was right."

"Virgil..." I yanked my hand from his and heard him sigh. "Talk to me. I won't judge. I promise."

"You never did, Thomas. No matter how mean the person or how ugly the doll..." I couldn't help laugh remembering the little army doll I gave him for his birthday. "You never judged."

"So talk to me." I shook my head and heard as he got up and started walking around the room. "Why not?"

"Because you're not real. You're not really here. And I don't want you to see the person I became."

"Virgil, I am here. I am right next to you. I will never leave you. I love you and nothing is going to change that." He grabbed my hand holding it tight and placing over his heart. I knew because I could feel his heart beating. "I don't care if you're a dragon. I think that that's amazing. It actually explains so much. I don't care about what happened in your past, or your history with Deceit. I care about you. That's all. I... I thought you knew that."

"Wait, how do you know about Jan?" He let his hand drop and suddenly felt so cold.

"Virgil, open your eyes." I started to shake my head feeling slightly nauseous. "Virgil, please look at me."

"I can't."

"Of course you can. you just have to..."

"It won't help." He clammed up and everything went so quiet. I didn't like it. I opened my eyes but it was all still so black. I could hear them gasp and I just frowned. "I can't see anything. It's just all black."

"You're blind? HOW?!" I flinched as his voice got louder and I could feel the panic start to rise. they jumped up and started pacing, the ever-present repetitive drum of his feet slightly relaxing. "The light hit your leg not your face... a-and you were fine until... Was it the fall? Did something happen when you landed? I mean it wasn't exactly very pretty. You slammed into everything. I wouldn't be..."

"S-Stop p-please." I felt my heart start to race and I frowned. They came over and sat down, pulling me back into his lap so he could hold me tight. "Everything is dark. Everything hurts. They won't shut up and I don't know what to do."

"Who won't shut up?" I gripped his shirt as I buried myself into him. I took a deep breath and melted into the scent of chocolate and roses. How did I miss that? I never miss that. I never... "Virgil, please. Talk to me."

"The voices... The screams... They won't stop. It's all so quiet now but... It won't last." He held me tighter as I started to cry. "You're the only one that ever makes them stop."

"I am?" I nodded and listened to the sound of his heartbeat. "Then I guess I'll just have to stay with you." He laid back, pulling me with him as he cuddled me. "I won't ever let you think you're alone, Virgil. I'll keep you safe. I love you."

"You said that already."

"And I say it again and again. Until you believe it yourself. And then I'll still say it because I mean it, Virgil. I really do love you." I felt myself start to smile as sleep finally began to pull me under.

"I love you too, Princy."