Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

42 (November 16th, 1975)

BRIAN'S POV

as soon as Roger had left, I got up, leaving those girls behind.
I didn't really get the situation, my mind was spinning around like crazy and I couldn't focus.
Maybe I had exaggerated a bit with the alcohol.
I staggered towards the exit Roger had fled through but I soon realized that I was way too drunk to fulfil any actions.
I was really dizzy and I tried hard to stay on my feet and not fall over.

I looked around, searching for Freddie or John, but the only one I could find was Paul - so I reeled towards him.
"Paul, whe's Fred?" I mumbled, supporting myself on his shoulder.

Paul pulled his shoulder away from my hand and frowned at me.
"I don't know!"
He just left without another word so I decided to follow him.
I lost him between the masses, though and as I rediscovered him a few metres away - with Freddie - I saw how he tried to pull the drunk Freddie towards the front exit, out of the club.

Were they going to leave without me?

I started panicking and tried to get through the people, towards Freddie and Paul but the dizziness overwhelmed me and I bumped into a girl - or rather her boobs.
I grabbed them and pushed them away from me. I didn't have time for that now, I didn't want to be left behind.
"Get'em away from me!" I demanded.
The girl squeaked and slapped me right on the cheek.
"Ouch!" I rubbed my cheek and turned around to leave but all of a sudden, a bulky guy appeared right infront of me and was ready to start a fight.
Maybe her boyfriend?
"Get out of m'way..!" I waved him away and wanted to pass - then I felt the fist in my face.

ROGER'S POV

"You what?" My eyes widened.
I had not expected that.
Deaky avoided eye contact and stared at the ground, nervously twiddling his thumbs.

"You think you love me??" I asked again, waiting for an answer.

"I-... I do, I guess..." he finally answered.

"I knew you were gay! Ha! You lied to me!" I crossed my arms and flung one leg over the other. I was proud of myself for my accurate assumption. Reading Deaky's mind was a nearly impossible task after all.

"I'm not gay...!" He suddenly defended himself and looked at me with a pouting face, his eyes were glassy.
"But..." I frowned. "Deaks, you just declared your love for me..."
"I know.. I- I'm not sure, though..." He gulped. "Maybe I'm bi or something?"
"Why are you trying to find an excuse?" My eyes narrowed. "What's so bad about being gay? What's your problem?"

"I can't be gay, my parents would disown me."
"Disown you?" I wheezed. "Deaky, I'm sure they would accept-"
"No, you don't understand, Roger! They would literally try to exorcise me...!"
"Wow..." I raised my eyebrows. I knew that John's family was Catholic but I didn't know that they were that religious.

Suddenly, he chuckled even though his face was drenched in pure sadness.
"What was I thinking..? Why did I even tell you? Of course you don't like me..." A long pause followed. Then he whispered: "Who would?"

"Deaky..." I didn't know what to say.
Maybe it was the fact that he was always being nice to me, always helping me, or his dorky yet sweet personality or even just the fact that he had just declared his love for me - but I did feel my heart beat a little faster and I wasn't disinterested at all.
Maybe I was just desperate for love after what had happened between Brian and me.

"Deaky, you know I can't just forget about Bri and be with you..." I started explaining.
He nodded immediately and turned his face towards me.
"No, of course! I- I know. I didn't expect anything and I know that you don't like me." His gaze drifted off again. "I just wanted you to know..."

"BUT."

He raised his head and blinked at me. "But?"

"But... do you wanna try and kiss me? Like... to find out if you're really gay?"
I was up for it. He was a pretty boy, it would make him happy and... Maybe it would make me a bit less clingy towards Brian.
I was just not open minded enough anymore. Brian had turned me into an obsessed fool who could never stop craving for his attention.
He was the only person I wanted to be loved by and give my love to.
How selfish of me.

Deaky's eyes got big. "You mean.. now? Right now?"
"Now or never, Deaks." I winked.
"Uhm, o- okay.." He looked around nervously, his cheeks becoming bright red once again. "H- How do I..?"

I rolled my eyes. "Just kiss me already! It's not that hard, you know."

"I- I- .. Can you start? I'm really nervous!" He was panicking, I could clearly see that.
I laughed a little and got closer, looking into his eyes with a flirty gaze just to trigger his anxiety a little more.
Then I finally decided to end his suffering and leaned in for a kiss.

His face was softer than Brian's, his lips were colder, though.
I could feel how his nervosity started to disappear and he relaxed.
He tasted sweet, a bit of alcohol as we'd had quite a few drinks at the bar.

As I pulled away from the kiss slowly, I smiled at John, who's eyes were still closed.
He opened them slowly and looked at me.

"And?" I asked. "Are you gay?"
He simply nodded and let his gaze sink to the ground.