Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

39 (November 16th, 1975)

BRIAN'S POV

And yet another day, another gig in the evening, another crowd who would cheer for us and another night full of alcohol and drugs, probably.
Touring was exhausting but it was worth it as we could connect with our fans which - at least for me - was very important.
Tonight, we would play in Coventry, in the Belgrade Theatre.
Roger was a bit distant that day, spending more time with Freddie and Deaky - especially with Deaky which made me a bit suspicious.
Maybe it was just my imagination, just me being too jealous.

Half an hour before the gig, I joined Roger in the dressing room backstage.
"Hey, Rog.. Are you still mad at me?" I asked shyly, as I leaned against the side of the mirror he was looking into.
"Quite a bit!" Roger admitted and I sighed.
"I'm sorry, I couldn't just leave those fans without any explanation! And you managed to look after yourself, which I knew. So, don't be like that."
"No, I didn't, Deaky did. He helped me. And as my boyfriend, you are supposed to do such things!"
"I guess Deaky had more time on his hands, his fans weren't chasing him like they did me." I ran my fingers through my hair. "Again, I'm sorry, Rog. You know I don't mean it like that."
Roger turned his head towards me.
"I know, yeah... You're a horrible person..."

Horrible person?
I wanted to defend myself but before I could make a noise, Roger got up from his chair and laid his arms on my shoulders, giving me a flirty gaze.
"You know we have to play a gig in twenty minutes, right?" I pointed out nervously.
"Yupp." Was his simple answer before he leaned in for a kiss.
We were alone in the dressing room. Freddie and John were probably busy with something else right now, so I just let it happen and put my hands on Roger's waist.
It felt good touching him again.
We didn't have much private time lately because of the tour preparations and we wouldn't have much of it during the tour either, as there was no privacy whatsoever. We would be stuck with the boys for several months now.

Freddie knew about Roger and me by now and he probably - no, he certainly told Paul about it.
I wasn't sure about Deaky, but he did catch up things pretty fast, so I suspected that he knew as well.

Still, I didn't want to make out in front of them like one of those shameless and hormone-driven teenagers but right now, I couldn't help it but pull Roger closer to my chest.
To my surprise, he pushed himself away from me again, interrupting the kiss abruptly.
"You don't deserve that right now." He hissed. I raised my eyebrows in surprise.
"Oh, I'm sorry, your highness!" I crossed my arms.
Roger chuckled, then his face got serious again.
"No, I mean it. You don't deserve that. I feel stupid. I always forgive you. I should stop being so naive."
"Don't start with this again, please..." I sighed and tried to take his hands, but he didn't let me.

"You know, I was talking to someone yesterday. We were talking about this right here." He pointed at me and at himself. "And that person opened my eyes. He told me that you don't appreciate me enough and I agree with him."
"Was it Paul?" Was my first guess.
"That's not important." Roger blinked at me with a sulking face.
I bet it was Paul.

"I do appreciate you, though. Quite a bit. Maybe even too much..." Now I caught his hands and held them in mine.
"I just can't show it... which I'm working on.. I'm far from perfect, you know."
Roger wheezed. "Funny that that's coming from your mouth!" He laughed.

He was really playing around with my nerves as he was constantly trying to upset me.
"Besides of your looks, you are not perfect either, you know." I answered and winked at him.

Oh no, Roger was far from being the perfect boyfriend.
I just didn't want to bring up again that he had been making out with Deaky at the Rockfield Farm.
And that he had told Freddie about my sexuality without me being ready for it.
And that he was quite offensive at times, making comments without thinking about the consequences.

Roger stepped towards me and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in for a hug. He laid his head on my shoulder and sighed quietly.

ROGER'S POV

I didn't know how to feel about the whole situation.
I did love Brian a lot but on the other side, I hadn't had that many horrible moments in my life in a long long time.

There had been a time, when I was a kid, when life wasn't truly fair to me and I had tried to forget about that time ever since but since all that drama between Brian and me started to take place, I couldn't help but remember those days.

"I'm sorry for being such a horrible boyfriend..." I heard Brian whisper as he pulled me closer towards him. He gave me a kiss on my cheek.

Suddenly, I heard a wheeze from the door.
I peeked over and discovered Paul Prenter who was leaning against the door frame.
"What the hell are you two doing?" He asked with a smirk on his face. He took a look at his watch.
"Five minutes." He turned around and was about to leave, but the he stopped and looked at us again.
"You better keep this private. A gay band wouldn't do that well, you know." His vicious grin intensified, then he left, leaving the door open.

I pulled away from Bri and tried not to pay too much attention to Pauls statement.
Stupid Paul, Brian would be even more insecure about everything now!
I just wanted him to feel comfortable with his sexuality. There was nothing wrong with liking men. Paul was even gay himself! Oh, how I hated that human being, if I could even describe him as such.
Why was everyone trying to interfere in our realtionship, anyways?

I took my drumsticks from the vanity and stretched a little.
"Okay, let's do this!"
We left the dressing room and headed towards the stage.