Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

19 (August 23rd, 1975)

ROGER'S POV

Nearly a week had passed now since we've had that conversation about getting comfortable within the relationship and Brian didn't even seem to think about taking a step forward.

Our relationship was still a secret between only the two of us and it was damn hard to keep that secret with Freddie and Deaky being around us constantly.
But Brian did a good job.
Whenever I wanted to get a bit closer or even just touch his hand he would push me away, completely ignoring me afterwards.
It got worse every day.

We did spend some private time together during which he was a completely different person.
He was sweet and loving and simply perfect as soon as he was sure that no one else was around... but that couldn't repair the way he was acting as we were in company.

My heart slowly started to break more and more every day because he didn't even try to do what he had promised.
He didn't want to.
He didn't care.

So, my thoughts were indeed true and not just part of my imagination.
Or, even worse: he just wanted to use me for his entertainment.
I let him top me several times after all.
And it hurt. But I did it for him.
Now I know that I shouldn't have done it.

I felt like he was ashamed of me.
But of course I was too proud to even mention it.
After a while, though, I couldn't take it anymore.

We were recording John's new song 'You're my best friend'.
Physically, I was there, drumming the hell out of my drumset but mentally I was far far away.

I was angry and heart broken.
Brian actually didn't talk that much to me anymore.

And his excuse?
"We spend so much time together and you still want more? Should I completely ignore the others and just talk to you? Is that what you want, Roger?"

I was drumming the anger out of my soul and the others could hear that;
Deaky looked at me, completely shocked as he stopped playing his bass.
Freddie sighed. "Roger, stop! Stop!"

"What the hell, Roger?" I heard Brian mumble as he set his guitar aside.
"Why are you doing this? You know, this is not that kind of song! You are going to break the drums!"

Oh, now he could talk!
Or rather, complain.

My eyes narrowed as I looked at Brian.
"I played it like I always did!"

"You did not! That was completely off, Roger!" He gesticulated with his hands and rolled his eyes.

I got up from my chair and pressed my drumsticks on the snare drum right in front of me, resulting in a dull but loud noise.

"You are completely off with your behaviour!" I shouted at him.
Now, Brian crossed his arms and raised his chin to appear even taller than he already was.
"What is your problem today? You are off beat all the time, don't hit the right damn drums or you just don't do anything at all and just daydream instead! And now you want to argue?"

"You shut up! You make way more mistakes than I do and you dare to judge me like that?!" I was really pissed now.

"Well, maybe because I'm playing a proper instrument that needs skills unlike your stupid drums which just need an angry squirrel behind them, hitting them with sticks!"

I grabbed my drum sticks and flang them towards Brian. One of them missed him but hit Deaky instead who flinched, the other one hit Brian right on the head and got stuck in his dark brown long curls.
He pulled it out of his hair and threw it to the ground, giving me a ferocious glance.

Deaky shook his head and sighed and Freddie just raised his eyebrows, watching us fight.
Then he decided that it was enough:
"For goodness sake, stop it, darlings! What happened between the two of you?"

His voice was loud and assertive.
We paused and looked at Freddie who rolled his eyes and shook his head.
"You are being fucking childish. Could you stop, please?"

BRIAN'S POV

I sighed and looked down. Freddie was right. We were being little kids.
I didn't even know why Roger started that fight, I just went along.
I shouldn't have done that.

Lately, he was acting stupid though.
He was constantly trying to get my attention. He would just look at me, smiling like a complete idiot or just take my hand right infront of the others, even though we had talked about it and that I needed my time with this new and overwhelming situation.

Instead of asking what was wrong with him, I just argued back, though. Now I felt bad about it.
I glanced over at Roger;
His eyes were glassy, filled with tears.
My eyes widened as I saw him like that and I immediately felt really sorry for what I had just done.

Roger didn't say a word and just left the studio angrily.

I didn't know what to do - if I should follow him and talk to him or just let him cool down outside by himself - but Freddie pushed me towards Roger's direction, so I followed the blonde without a second thought.