Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

30 (Novenber 12th, 1975)

ROGER'S POV

Brian looked at me in disbelieve, totally overwhelmed.
Suddenly I realized that I had made a mistake.
Brian wasn't out of the closet yet and neither was I. I didn't care but I knew that Brian did.
A lot.
And I had just told Freddie about it.
But I knew how to fix it.

I let my crossed arms sink to the side and my angry expression loosened up, it drifted into a rather sad expression as I was still looking at Brian but talking to Freddie:
"Actually, no. He doesn't have a boyfriend, Freddie. He could never have a boyfriend, he doesn't even have time for that bullshit."
I separated my gaze from Brian's and let it sink to the ground.
"He's not gay, why would you think that?"
I felt my eyes become watery again.
I was such a crybaby.
"Brian Harold May doesn't have a boyfriend... anymore..."
I whispered the last word whilst staring at the ground so Freddie probably didn't even hear it.

And with that said I grabbed my coat, slipped into my shoes as fast as I could and left the flat, slamming the door shut behind me.
Nobody followed me, though.
Which was a good thing because I needed to be alone.

BRIAN'S POV

I sat there, not knowing how to react at all.
I tried to pull myself together but that was more difficult than I could have imagined.
I looked at Freddie who was still sitting next to me, staring at me with huge eyes.
"What?" He asked and I didn't even know an answer to that.
I just shook my head softly, feeling sadness take over my mind and heart.

Roger had just told Freddie that I was gay. Which wasn't really true... I just fancied Roger, no other guy.
Then he broke up with me.
Then he left.
And why?
God, I don't know.
I don't know what I had done wrong.

Freddie put down his wine glass and turned towards me.
"Bri..."
Even though he sounded worried and tenderhearted I could clearly see that he wanted an explanation. I needed one myself.
"Sorry, Freddie, can I just sort this out first?" I asked in a hoarse voice and got up from the couch slowly.
Freddie smiled softly, nodded and made a gesture as to invite me to run after Roger.

I grabbed my coat as Roger did before and sprinted after him.
The only thing I wanted to know was his reason.
He could break up with me if he wanted to, if he didn't love me anymore, if he had found someone else.
But I wanted to know the reason.

I ran down the stairs as fast as I could - I nearly fell but I could catch myself again - and continued running with a racing heart.
Out on the street I looked to my left, to my right.
And of course: he was gone.
Forever?
No, I would see him again in two days.
On the tour.

I sighed and let my head fall down, my gaze landing on my feet.
He broke up with me because I was being a jerk.
I knew that.
I knew that I was being a fool.
And now Roger found out about my true self. And I couldn't blame him for hating me, I didn't like myself either.

My world shattered at that thought and all those bad thoughts started haunting me again.
I got into my car and decided to drive home.
Searching for Roger didn't make sense.
I didn't even know what I should've asked him.

"Roger, why do you hate me?"
"Why did you break up with me?"
"Why would you hurt me like that?"

I already knew the answer.
Because I was a failure with a horrible personality.
I hurt him. I made him suffer without even realizing it.

I started the motor and drove down the road, away from the flat, probably away from the person I loved, without even trying to find him...

I would try and talk to him the day we would start touring.
Maybe I could think of something by then.

ROGER'S POV

The bar down the road was slowly filling up as the evening came closer.
I sat alone, next to my pint, thinking about my behaviour from earlier.

I felt guilty, actually.
I shouldn't have told Freddie about Brian's private concerns.
But sometimes I just spoke without thinking about the consequences.
I took a sip of my beer and looked around.
I felt lonely knowing that I had just thrown away a relationship... But it was a toxic one.
...
No.
Brian wasn't toxic.
He was insecure.
An insecure boy and I was too impatient.

I regretted it now. I really did.
"Shit" I sighed and looked at the golden pint of beer infront of me.
"Fuck. I fucked up. I fucked up."
I rubbed my eyes which still felt a bit weird from tearing up earlier.
But now it was clearly too late.