Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

18 (August 17th, 1975)

BRIAN'S POV

Roger pulled his clothes out from underneath the bed and then he got up, throwing his jeans and shirt on the chair next to my desk.
He crossed his arms and looked at me with a judging face, standing there, just in his underwear.
I couldn't take him seriously and snickered a little. His serious gaze made him look like an angry kitten.

"What?" I asked whilst sitting back on the bed as he wasn't saying anything.

"When do you plan on telling them?"

"Oh.. I... I don't know." I confessed overwhelmed, raising my eyebrows.
I separated my gaze from his eyes and stared at the ground.
"You know, it's not that easy for me. I haven't had a.. boyfriend yet."

I could see Roger rolling his eyes from the corner of my eyes and I sighed.
"I'm sorry, Roger. We'll tell them eventually, okay?" I forced my sightly trembly lips into a smile and raised my head towards Roger.
He didn't seem impressed though.

"Well, I haven't had a boyfriend yet either but I don't have a problem with showing people whom I love."
Roger pulled the chair which he had thrown his clothes onto towards himself and sat down, resting his arms on the back of the chair.

I sighed. "Look, Roger, I'm really sorry. I'm just not ready for this yet, I suppose... I'm sorry."
I felt really guilty because I did love Roger more than anything else.
I was just scared.
Scared of my parent's reaction, scared of the media's reaction, scared of what people would think or say or do.
I always was.
Scared and insecure about myself.

ROGER'S POV

I focused on Brian's face and rested my head on my arms.
He seemed very uncomfortable with the situation.

I actually felt like he didn't want all this.
Maybe he just wanted to see what it was like to kiss a guy. A self discovery experiment.
I probably forced him into this and Brian, being the Brian I know just didn't want to disappoint anyone. Maybe he was just too afraid to hurt my feelings and that's why he didn't dare to say the truth; that he was in fact straight. Or just not in love with me.

Those thoughts led tears into my eyes but I quickly rubbed them away, not changing my facial expression at all.

"Bri..." I whispered, still looking at him.

I wanted to know if he thought I was attractive. I didn't want my thoughts to be true.
That's why I stood up and stepped towards him, then I sat down on his lap, wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Bri, do you actually love me or are you insecure about.. us?"

The tall curly boy raised his head and looked into my eyes, his face surprised.
"No!" He frowned. "I'm not insecure about us, Roger. I love you. It's just.."
He didn't continue and sighed, looking away again.

"Just what?" My finger slid to his chin and I raised it up a little, giving him a sweet kiss on the lips.
"It's just that you prefer girls?"

He shook his head violently, his curls bouncing all over the place. "I do not."
He wrapped his long arms around my waist and pushed me closer towards him until our chests touched.
"I'm just not ready to tell the world yet. But that doesn't change my feelings for you."

Before I could answer, he pressed his lips against mine and I decided to play along.
He wanted to move on slowly. I decided to accept that and give him some more time.
I replied the kiss and Brian let himself sink back onto the bed.

That night I decided to stay with Brian instead of going to my own room and he actually let me.
We had to lock the door though.

My bad thoughs didn't leave my head but I decided to wait a little longer and see what was going to happen. Maybe I was just overthinking everything.

BRIAN'S POV

I couldn't sleep at night. Roger was just too beautiful and I was afraid I could miss something if I fell asleep now.

He had fallen asleep soon after we had cuddled up in bed and talked a little.
Now he was lying next to me, his head and right hand on my chest, sleeping tightly.

I stroked over his arm and cuddled into his hair, giving him a kiss on the head.

I hadn't been as happy as I was at that exact moment for a long time.
It felt good to be loved and appreciated and to have someone to cuddle with at night.

Eventually, I fell asleep and it was the best night's sleep I've had in a long long time.