Loving Eazy...

Too Much Yet Too Little...

...

Janet's POV

How can you still manage to love when the person you love, you only can associate with pain? Maybe it's because you love the taste and feel of the pain, because you justify it as pleasure. This is what I was trying to center a new song I was trying to crank out around. This theme of mistaking pain for pleasure. But I couldn't seem to get the words out, because for some reason my brain couldn't fathom what I was saying. Like it was telling me, "the fuck?"

I slammed my pen down on my pad of paper and shook my head. "Goddamn," I muttered. I felt my eyes began to swell but I ignored it. Hell no I'm not crying anymore, I refuse. I've cried for the past two months. I've been performing, still getting rave reviews and been traveling smooth through Europe. We were in Germany now. It's crazy to see how many fans I actually have. It's like I have to remember my album's not out yet and all these guys know are my singles. But it's still a blessing either way.

Or rather I can say a blessing wrapped up in hellfire. Because while I'm out here performing to sold out crowds and loving it, I still can't forget that I'm pregnant. 3 months now to be exact, if you really take a good look at me you'd be able to see a little pudge in the middle of my stomach. I've noticed my baby might end up loving the spotlight, because every time I hit the stage, I feel it kicking with excitement. And it doesn't stop until I'm settled off stage catching my breath. It's also gonna grow up to like chocolate and fruit, because all I've eaten the past two months is chocolate drizzled melon of any kind. Oh and honey buns, that's how I know it's Eazy's for real.

I can't wait to be a mother to my little baby, but I still feel pain every day. Because these details about my baby I'm sharing with myself I should be sharing with its father. But obviously he's not on the same kind of thinking because I haven't heard from Eric or any of the boys since the day I told them I was pregnant, back in February. No calls to see how I was doing or about the baby or anything. Every time I call, the dumbass bitch he hired as his secretary has the nerve to tell me he can't come to the phone. It's like ever since that phone conversation with Cube where I heard the heartbreaking sounds of Eric fucking some skank, the boys have gone out of their way to avoid me. Coming up with any type of reasons not to come to the phone.

I've talked to Lele but she doesn't know much about what they do because Jerry constantly got her ass working because her album comes out in November. I don't have anyone to turn to, and I despise Eric for the fucked up position he intentionally put me in. I thought he loved me, but it appears he only loves the thought of me. If he actually loved me, he wouldn't have gotten me pregnant just to leave me high and dry and do his own twisted shit. I swear I wish I never even met him sometimes.

I heard a knock on the door and I looked up. It was Clyde. I rubbed my belly and studied him as he strolled over to me. He looked so good in his oversized black and white checkered flannel, black jeans and fresh white Nikes. He had a white Sox cap pulled neatly over his jherri curls and he looked like he had just shaved a day or two ago. Not to mention that sexy diamond stud earring he had shining in his ear. Damn he so fine but he still really looks so familiar. He smirked at me as he squatted in front of me. We had actually been getting closer since he was the only person really checking up on me besides Michael.

We knew little special things about each other. Like his favorite color was gray and his favorite food was fresh salmon. It was weird when I first heard it because I just didn't grow up eating shit like that because it was too expensive. Even back in Gary, so I asked him how he managed to eat it all the time. And when he told me he grew up in a well to do family in Baldwin Hills, it made more sense. I also noticed that despite the game he has, he's actually really shy and he loves to give compliments. He actually reminds me of Cube a little bit. Like he's like Cube if Cube wasn't so crazy and loud.

"Hey little mama, how is she?" He chuckled rubbing my belly. He was hell bent on this child being a girl. "It's fine Clyde, it's been really calm lately." I sighed. "Maybe it's because she wants her daddy." He replied and I smacked my lips. "That hoe ain't nowhere to be found though." I stood and walked towards my vanity. "Hoe? How you figure he's a hoe?" Clyde asked and I rolled my eyes. "Eric has always been a hoe, never been one to settle and appreciate what he got in front of him. The reason I know is because he's my best friend. And it should've stayed that way but I'm a dumbass." I looked down but then looked back up to find him in front of me.

"You're not a dumbass, he's just confused." I frowned and he sighed. "When niggas love, even though we love hard, sometimes we don't know why and can't give that other trifiling shit up. We do too much yet give too little I guess is a way to put it. And we don't realize it until we're in some shit we can't get out of." Then he looked at me again. "But I know if I was with you, I'd never be a fuck up like I used to be. And like he's being right now." With that he kissed my cheek and walked out the room. I sighed hard feeling conflicted. I loved Eric with all my heart but I'm developing feelings for Clyde out of the pain Eric causes me.

I began to pull my shirt off to put on my outfit for my performance in 15 minutes. I rubbed my pudge again and sighed. Too much and too little, that's a good way to put it. Eric was definitely too much yet too little.

Hey guys, I'm feeling pretty inspired this weekend so updates will be coming more and more often. I hope you like this chapter, next one will be coming really soon. Like/comment!! More to come!!!