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the trunk rumbled with the sound of tires beneath them, the sickening silence overlapping Iris and the 3 boys who laid in the back on the soft but large mattress. She felt sick to her stomach trying to process the letter's words, how could she choose between two different worlds. The government were cruel to do this to her, to make her choose between the boys and her father. She wanted to cry and pour all her tears out after the letter but she kept it hidden, a secret and they could never know about it. The roads felt longer in the back and she knew from the gentle humming that it was Daniel driving, not Corbyn who would be asleep on the middle seats.
After the attack they decided to keep going to Louisiana and rotate drivers every few hours. It had been almost 5 hours since they had kept their journey going. Jack had driven first and she had laid between Zach and Daniel who had instantly fallen asleep once hitting the foam.
Jack had stopped and came to the back opening it and felt alarmed seeing her bright aqua eyes wide awake as he tried to wake Daniel who was closest to the edge. He slept for a little while after his shift but he couldn't help but wake to her soft movements next to him, the nervousness causing her to fidget rather than sleep. He knew she was awake and he wouldn't be surprised if she'd even stayed up the whole time but after their ordeal it felt wrong to accuse her again. Shivering he tried to shake away the cold as he looked at the khaki green back material of the entrance thinking of all the mistakes he'd made and all the damage he'd done to their relationships. If he hadn't of been so afraid of fighting and his own inner feelings maybe they wouldn't be so far apart, a space between.
Iris's mind fought with itself, if she chose to kill one of the boys who would it be and how could she even have the guts to do it? She was hot with confusion and wished that all this would go away and she could meet Zach at the cafeteria or Jonah on the sports field or Corbyn in Astronomical science class or Daniel in the library or Jack in a coffee shop where they could begin a romance- romance?
She furrowed her eyebrows at her train of thought, there was no way their could be anything between her and Jack, even if she felt it, he would never. He had confirmed that tonight when he said he didn't want her here and now he's laying by her side.
He wondered why she was awake, he'd seen the envelope she'd received but in minutes it was like it had never been there, she'd tucked it away. Noticing her state he ignored his brain and turned over to face her. She confusingly stared at the roof of the trunk and he was sucked into her appearance the moment he looked at her.
"Iris?" He whispered into the freezing cold, he knew Daniel always turned down the heater.
"you're awake?" he nodded as she turned to get a better look at his soft face.
"what's wrong?"
"nothing, just thinking" her hair fell down her face and he tried to contain the urge to lace it in his middle fingers and place it back behind her ear.
"whatever it is, don't worry." he whispered back to her
"do you ever feel like nothing can ever go right?"
"always. I never wanted to hurt your feelings but I did, that wasn't right" like a tsunami hitting the shore she was overwhelmed with a sense of relief and hope.
"do you ever feel like you can never do anything right?"
"nobody's perfect, I'm not perfect" Nodding she looked over into his brown eyes and felt comfortable but afraid of being in his atmosphere.
"when do you think this will end?"
"I don't think it ever will" she sighed watching his eyes search her face, looking for something she didn't know how to give to him. she was completely lost and it wasn't obvious but the continuous flow of questions scared him.
"will you remember me after you make it out?" her voice felt weak as he looked away and pulled the blanket higher over his shoulders.
"I want to." she smiled slightly but closed her eyes gently a frown appearing, knowing that even though how much she wished it was true; he wouldn't want to remember her.
Kill one of them? how could she do that to any of them? She wanted to listen to Daniel play music, wanted to see Jonah order a coffee at lunch, wanted to make cupcakes with Zach, wanted to see Corbyn reach the stars and she wanted to love Jack.
She wanted to give him her heart and nothing could change that except that they were trapped in a distopia that shouldn't exist. She could never do that. He would never reciprocate what she unfortunately felt.
"hey it's okay, we will be fine" he whispered finally giving in and brushing her hair away as she broke from her depressive moment, tears brimming her waterline. he couldn't read her anymore, he never really could only when he was treating her for her injuries. As his fingers brushed past her face she felt trapped in his stare, her face feeling hotter than it already was
"do you still want me to leave?"
"no, never." she sighed glad she had completely confirmed that this feud and roller coaster was over. dancing her thoughts over his calm face she reached forward to touch the bandaided cut on his forehead that she'd placed gently earlier at dinner.
"you're cold"
"no it's okay I'll be-" but before he could feel more awkward she turned and shuffled down and closer to his body, the heat wrapping Jack immediately. He felt his discomfort slip away and she didn't say a word as his arm slowly wrapped over her waist hesitantly before she tugged the sleeve of his shirt down under her hands.
They were weirded out in the moment because as strange as it was, they felt comfort for the first time since they'd both entered the outcast boundaries. They stayed awake in their emotions, Iris feeling her eyelids droop till she was breathing slowly and sleep had eased her buzzing mind. Jack was awake warming up to her natural heat but couldn't help feel more further away than his comment when she aided him. How could he even let such a lie slip out of his mouth?
"you love her." jumping, his curls falling he looked at Zach who was waking up beside Jonah; he peered at Jack's startled face. He'd been watching him since Iris fell asleep and Zach could pick up the emotion from a mile away.
"no I don't."
"don't try and bullshit me."
"I don't."
"well okay you aren't convincing anyone"
"Zach's right" chuckled Jonah who swung an arm over Zach's shoulders appearing besides him, both staring at Jack. He felt exposed in their eyes but continued shaking his head expressing he didn't. Zach blushed shyly before nodding while looking at Jack once more before moving over her troublesome face. She looked like a gentle nightmare in Jack's arms and in need of someone like the lying boy to be closer. But instead he dropped the comment and rolled over to face Jonah who was extremely sleepy in the early hours of the morning.
