Forgiven, But Not Forgotten [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Chapter_50

After Dodds went to trial and my crew and I were finally able to do our jobs again, everything got better. I was happier, thankfully, and that meant my family was happy too. Elliot and I were in our best spot ever, and I think it made us even happier because we were trying for another baby. Our last one, also.

"So, do you think it'll be positive?" Elliot asked as he and I sat together on the edge of the bathtub in our bathroom.

"I hope so, or else I'm still getting over that damn flu our kids gave me." I sighed, as I reached over and rubbed his thigh gently.

"You know, it's weird to be trying for a baby, huh?" Elliot laughed, and I nodded.

"Yeah, we usually just forgot protection and then their's a baby. But now we are waiting and seeing. I don't like just trusting that it will happen if it's meant to happen." I spoke. I leaned into him a bit as he wrapped his arms around my body.

He held me still for the few minutes we had to wait before I could check the test. As he rocked a bit, I started to just think it was going to be negative. I had gotten the same flu as my daughters had gotten, and I just assumed I wasn't feeling good because I was still getting over it. Elliot stood up after a few minutes before grabbing the test. He held it up and read it before smiling and looking at me.

"It only took three months of actually trying for us to be getting another baby." Elliot smiled. I stood up quickly and grabbed the test from him.

"Are you sure? This means positive?" I asked, shocked.

"Yeah, we read the directions about a hundred times." He spoke, before kissing me deeply. As soon as our lips parted I read the test again. I was surprised that it was actually positive. The last two we took all were negative and I was already starting to lose hope, but I'm glad I didn't give up.

"Okay, Elliot, hide your excitement, okay?"

"I'll try. I promise." He spoke, as he ran his hand over his face. As soon as he pulled his hand away he had a straight facial expression as if he was preparing himself to perform a scene on a TV show or a movie.

"That's not going to last." I sighed, and he nodded as he smiled.

"Yeah, I'm too excited."

<^>

I went to work the next morning and was all smiles. As usual, when something is different about me, Amanda noticed first. The guys were too busy drinking coffee and playing games on their computer to notice me walk in.

"Okay, why are you smiling?" Amanda questioned, as she quickly shut the door to my office.

"Can't I be happy without there being a reason, Amanda?"

"Oh don't pull that, Liv. Come on. Tell me!"

"No. Because Elliot and I promised to not tell people. So, deal with it." I replied. She knew though. Telling her that I couldn't tell her meant that she would figure it out really quickly.

"Have you went to your doctor yet to confirm?" She grinned.

"No, I am though during my lunch hour. So, now you have to keep that pretty little mouth of yours closed until I make sure everything is okay and find out if the baby is growing where it is supposed to grow." I breathed.

"Of course! I'm just so happy for you two!" Amanda exclaimed. She and I quickly hugged before I sent her back out to do her work.

<^>

"Olivia, you are pregnant but we do need to discuss some possible problems." My doctor spoke, as she sat down in front of me.

"Yeah, I'm old but we have wanted just one more baby."

"You are a little bit older than when you had Ellie, but this is still not the biggest issue."

"Is it because of what happened last time?" I breathed, as tears welled in my eyes. I stared down at my hands as I tried not to start sobbing like a baby.

"Yeah. Usually, when a woman has an ectopic pregnancy, she has a chance of higher risk pregnancies from there on. There will be many blood tests and ultrasounds. Be ready for the worst, okay?"

"Yeah, okay," Olivia whispered.

"Do you un-"

"I understand that I shouldn't be happy. That I should be scared. So, yeah, I understand. Can I go now?" Olivia huffed.

"Yeah, you can go. Make sure you start your prenatal vitamins."

"If there is any use."

<^>

I went straight to Elliot's office after my appointment. He was on his phone talking business to someone, and I walked over to him and placed the early sonogram picture on his desk. He smiled as he picked it before quickly ending his call.

"Just as alien-like as his siblings." Elliot laughed softly, but he noticed that I wasn't smiling anymore.

"Babe?"

"My doctor sat me down and said my age and my ectopic pregnancy could cause issues with this pregnancy, so don't get your hopes up, El." I huffed. I sank down on his leather couch, before running my fingers through my hair.

"You might lose the baby?!" Elliot exclaimed, and I nodded.

"It's a possibility. Of course, something might have to happen. Fuck, El, I'm so tired of bad things." I huffed.

"Okay, well nothing will happen. We will get another baby girl or a son. Okay? Nothing will happen, and I will make sure of it."

"El, you might think you are God, but you aren't. If something bad happens, you can't smite someone and make it not happen. So, please don't promise me anything." I frowned. I stood up and walked towards the door to leave.

"How far along are you?" Elliot breathed.

"8 weeks. The last two must've been false negatives. I'll see you tonight." I whispered.

<^>

I kept my excitement at a minimum. Just like after I almost lost Ellie. I just tried to not get excited about anything in regards to having another child. Elliot probably showed more emotion about it all than I did which was sad, but I was scared that the baby wasn't going to make it or was going to be hurt in some way because of my past pregnancy and because of my age.

Hey guys! Thanks for reading! Please vote and comment all of your feedback below! :D