Forgiven, But Not Forgotten [A Bensler Fan Fic]

<Chapter_3>

I was sent home from work that day, and Cragen told me that I wasn't allowed back in until Monday. A long weekend would be nice, if this all hadn't happened. If I hadn't been slapped by Kathy, or if I didn't have to tell everyone about my affair with Elliot. My partner for fucks sake. I could get suspended and forced into another precinct because of this.

I stopped by the bodega near my apartment, before going back to my apartment. When I arrived home, my name on the call box was changed to slut, and when I got up to my door, Kathy had spray painted 'Home Wrecking Whore' on my door. Tears stained my cheeks as I unlocked my door, and then slammed it shut.

I knew Elliot wasn't here, because if he had been, I'm sure he might've tried to at least stop Kathy from doing this all to me.

I sat my keys in the bowl by the door, before locking my door and putting the chain on. I was ready to just sit down and drink the wine I bought, because I was feeling so shitting about myself and everything I've did in the past three days.

I walked into the kitchen and opened up the bottle of wine before grabbing a glass. As I was heading out to sit down, my cell rang.

I looked over and saw Elliot's name, and I knew I couldn't answer it. I had to just give up on us. We couldn't be anything, and I'd go and tell Cragen that so my job could be spared. I love Manhattan SVU, and no other place would do.

I can't have Elliot, but I must have my job.

<^>

I fell asleep on the couch, clutching my empty bottle of wine to my chest. Someone was pounding loudly on my door, and it would stop for a moment, before starting up again.

It hurt so bad to hear the noise that the person was making, but it must be important. I stood slowly and sat my bottle down on the table before stumbling to the door.

I unlocked it but kept the chain on. I opened the door and saw Elliot standing there. 

"Babe, I've been calling you. Why haven't you picked up your phone?" He asked, as he anxiously ran his hands through his hair.

"Because I didn't want to. Go away." I huffed, and he frowned.

"Lo-"

"Don't call me love!" I cried, before slamming the door. I walked towards my living room again, as I sobbed.

"Olivia, I told you that I love you more than words can describe. Please open up your door so we can talk. So I can apologize to you for what Kathy did."

"She called me a slut, Elliot! She painted horrible things about me on my door! I can never be anything to you because of this. Everyone hates me!" I sobbed, as I turned around to look at the door, which he had opened from the outside so he could see me. The chain was still on so eh couldn't get in. He couldn't comfort me in anyway.

"I'm so sorry. I hate how the love we have for each other has led to such a mess, but it won't stop me from loving you. Please, take the chain off. Let me come in. Let me hold you. Let me comfort you."

"We can't be together, Elliot! I might lose my job over this! I haven't been at SVU as long as you have, so I'll be leaving. I'll be the one losing my only family. You have kids and a wife! Go and be with them. Leave me alone!" I sobbed, before quickly running  towards my bedroom. I shut my bedroom door and threw myself onto my bed before continuing to sob. Continuing to suffer.

<^>

Monday came around and I walked into the precinct with my usual coffee order in hand. The squad room was decently quiet, and I walked slowly over to my desk. I sat a cup on Elliot's desk, before sitting down in my desk chair. I wanted to pretend that I didn't have sex with Elliot, that I didn't tell him that I love him, that he didn't say he loved me either.

I went through my log book and made sure that I had entered in all of my paper work on time, and when I looked up so I could put it in my desk again, I saw Elliot walked in. He looked beyond exhausted, and he didn't even bother to shave this morning.

"Liv." He breathed, and I smiled softly.

"I got you coffee, Stabler. Once Cragen comes in I'm sure he'll have a case for us." I spoke, and he kept his eyes glued to me as he walked to his desk.

"Can we talk? Please?" He asked, and I narrowed my eyes.

"About what?" I spoke, as he ran his hand over the back of us neck.

"About us." He whispered, and I frowned.

"Elliot, I think, for the sake of everyone who matters to us, and ourselves, that we end everything. We can be just partners, and nothing more."

"How can you just forget about all of this?" He asked, as I saw tears well in his eyes. I do not believe he is sad, but mostly angry. Oh so angry about what I'm doing.

"Because in the end, I'd rather have a family then throw myself into a relationship that might not even last. Sorry." I spoke, before standing as Cragen walked in. 

"Benson, can I talk to you real quick?" He asked, and I nodded.

<^>

Cragen and I sat in his office for a few minutes, nothing but silence between us. He spoke after a good 5 minutes.

"Okay, so I will contact Tucker and see if he has an opening in another SVU for you." He spoke, and I shook my head.

"No, sir. I already dealt with this." I replied, and he eyed me.

"What do you mean?"

"I told Elliot that we are done."

"Hey, you can still be together if you leave." He spoke, and I shook my head.

"Captain, I lost my mother. I have no father or any siblings. This squad is all I have. This squad is my family. I love Elliot, but in the end, he won't stay around. He doesn't like being held down, and I'm surprised he stayed with Kathy as long as he had. I don't want to just be another girl. So, if you do not mind, I'm going to wait for a call that we have a vic."

Hey guys! Thanks for reading! Please vote and comment all of your feedback below! :D