Forgiven, But Not Forgotten [A Bensler Fan Fic]

Chapter_16

I stayed in the hospital for two days, before being sent home. Fin came and got us, because when I went into labor he was the one to come get me and bring me to the hospital. He also figured out the car seat and put it in my car for me which was incredibly nice.

"Want me to stay tonight?" Fin asked, as I sat the diaper bag down, while he sat Ellie's carrier on the floor for a moment.

"Alex and Casey are coming over to help out soon. Thanks for the offer though." I smiled, and he nodded. He picked up the carrier again and followed me into Ellie's room. He helped me get her out, and then watched as I changed her into clothes that didn't smell like the hospital.

"Fin, once I nurse her, could you maybe watch her while I shower?" I asked, and Fin nodded.

"Uh, sure. I gotta get used to her sometime, right?"

I chuckled as he awkwardly looked at the little girl. He was nervous to watch her for less then half a hour, because she's brand new to the world. He has met her and has held her for hours while I slept at the hospital, but this was different for him.

"You'll do great. Trust me. Now, if you don't mind excusing me I'm going to feed her." I spoke, and Fin quickly left the room, I picked up Ellie before shutting the door. I sat down in the rocking chair and smiled.

"Your uncle is so awkward, but I know he loves you and me so much. He'll be around a lot so you better like him Ellie."

<^>

Alex and Casey spent the night at my apartment and they helped me get used to being a mother. Once they left I'd have to get used to being a single parent, but at least having them help let me sleep and recover some more.

But the night they left, Ellie screamed at the top of her little lungs and there was nothing I could do to stop her from crying.

"Oh love, please don't cry. I promise you that everything is okay. You are perfectly fine, I think!" I exclaimed, as I tried to calm my daughter, but nothing was working. She wasn't hungry. She didn't have a dirty diaper. And she didn't feel like she had a fever, but maybe she did.

It didn't make matters better when one of my neighbors pounded on the wall, which made Ellie cry even louder. Tears poured down my cheeks, and I needed help, but I can't expect to have help at every moment I need help. Ellie is my daughter, and she needs to learn that I'm her mother and I can protect her, but right now I doubt she even cares that she's in my arms.

"Shut up the fucking kid or I'll call the police!" The angry old man yelled, and I frowned as Ellie yelled even louder.

"I'm sorry! She's a newborn!" I cried, and the old man scoffed before going back into the center of his apartment and away from the wall we shared.

I quickly laid Ellie in her bag and I packed the diaper bag, before going and grabbing my jacket. I put it on before going over and grabbing my daughter. I guess I'll be taking her for a car ride. Hopefully she'll calm down and get some sleep.

<^>

I drove around for so long, that by the time I was going to head home, I had to get gas. I stopped by a gas station and gave Ellie another pacifier since she spit out her other one, and then I started to fill up the tank.

"Olivia?" A voice questioned, and I looked away from my car and saw Maureen standing next to the car in front of me.

"Hey, Maureen. What are you doing out so late?" I questioned, and Maureen chuckled.

"I'm heading home from school. And it's nearly 6 in the morning. What are you doing out?" She asked, and I swallowed hard. Did Kathy tell her kids about my baby?

I didn't even get a response out, because Ellie started to cry again. I quickly opened the door and leaned in and caressed her cheek gently.

"Ellie, please calm down love. Let me get you another pacifier." I sighed, and as I went around to get into the diaper bag, Maureen walked over and saw my daughter.

"You have a baby?" She questioned, and I swallowed hard before nodding.

"Yeah, her name is Ellie. She hasn't stopped crying for hours, and I can't figure out what's wrong with her." I frowned.

"She has a fever, Liv. How old is she?" Maureen asked, as she placed her hand to my daughter's forehead.

"She's 6 days old." I whispered, and she frowned.

"Finish getting gas, then follow me to the hospital. She needs to get checked out." 

<^>

I felt like such a horrible mother as I watched my daughter get poked and prodded. Maureen stood next to me, and sighed.

"So, is she my little sister?" She asked, and I bit my lip.

"Please don't hate her for what I did." I breathed, and she quickly shook her head.

"I could never hate you or her. I do hate my Dad though. But I'm sure Ellie will be okay." She spoke, and I nodded slowly.

"God do I hope so. She's the only person I have in my life, and I think, even if this sounds stupid, that she's my soulmate. She makes me so happy, but then she makes me so upset because I couldn't help her when she needed me to help her. I don't even think I own a baby thermometer."

"Don't beat yourself up over this, Liv. She'll be okay. She might just have an infection."

"How would she get one?" I squeaked, and she shrugged.

"Sometimes it's common. I'm doing my rounds in the ER, and we have kids come in with no signs of wounds, but they still have infections. Hers could be from after she was born."

"Oh." I breathed, and Maureen frowned.

"Want some tea?" She asked, and I shook my head.

"I'm fine. Thanks. Maybe you should get home..." I trailed off, and she shook her head.

"I can stay. This is my baby sister we are talking about." She smiled, before turning in and hugging me warmly.

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