Beautiful But Deadly

TWENTY

Genesis's POV

Do you know that feeling? The one where some part of you is so tired, so lost and so confused that you could just give up but another part of you is yelling at you to do something, to act and to protect?

I'm never usually this conflicted. From when I was a small child I've always understood how I've felt. Understood what it meant and how to channel it or show it in the right way but now, today? Today I feel like I'm losing my mind.

I remember how I would separate each emotion like you would separate different colored jelly beans sometimes I used to compare emotions to temperatures.

Attraction is warm, Curiosity is hotter, Anger is boiling. Hate can torch, but it can also freeze. Happiness is in the middle, a place where is not too cold nor too hot, it's just relaxing. Sorrow is like a rainy day, you avoid going out in it and when you do you get soaked to the core. Love... Well, that's a temperature best left under neutral.

My feelings are so neutral most of the time. To feel something different there has to be a positive or negative event. After the joy or sorrow has passed I reset to the middle ground, content, neither high nor low. I've seen people whose default setting is "low" and that's so hard, I see them drowning in air. I have witnessed people who swing from one extreme to the other, happier than I can ever reach than lower than I've ever fallen.

Despite my abnormal upbringing I still feel love, joy, and happiness so strongly it makes me tingle right down to my bones. I've known pain enough to fragment my soul into such tiny pieces it took me years to reassemble my mind. When I come back from these strong emotions to a state of balance, I learn what I can from each emotion, feeling, and experience.

It was easier when I was on my own. When I didn't need to worry or care about anyone but myself. Life was simple. My actions were clear, being selfish was a daily occurrence and consequences? Who cared?

Now though I have people relying on me, people who need me alive and if I make a mistake it could gravely affect them. To tell the truth, I wasn't a huge fan of that change. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't trade Crystal, Saph, and Axel for anything but them being here, being friends with me, it just makes everything so much harder.

I couldn't just run screaming and charging into battle without thought. I had to think things through and sometimes that was too much effort even for me. Especially now when I was facing and vicious opponent.

Caspian Adler has made the decision to rear his ugly head. First with Degray, then the poor excuse for an assassin and then the pathetic drug dealers. He wanted me to know he was here and wanted me to know there was nothing I could do to stop what he had planned.

I came here to find the Kingston's and now I was probably about to go into a metaphorical war with my old mentor. What did I do to deserve any of this?

Other than you know murder, assault, larceny, auto theft, fraud, embezzlement, vandalism, torture oh and can't forget speeding...like all the time. I could go all day, to be honest.

My head throbbed. The pain felt like someone had taken a knife to my skull. I dropped my head against the cool wood of the lunch table and groaned. Squeezing my eyes shut, I willed the pain to go away. The rest of the world became detached, all I could concentrate on was the pain rooted deep in my head. I could barely hear the people chattering around me. All I felt, all I knew was the pain of that moment.

Someone placed their hand on my shoulder and before they could utter a word I grabbed their wrist and spun until it was twisted painfully behind their back and their face was smashed against the lunch table.

"Genesis it's just me!" Thorn yelled, his voice muffled by the table. I quickly released his arm and took a step back rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb and index finger.