Undead

Guardian Angels. (305)

I pull her closer to me and she ducks her head into the crook of my neck while Kara still wails between us.
"I'm sorry. I just... I..."
"Mads tell me what happened. I can help." I plead with her.
She tries desperately to sooth Kara.
She shakes her head back and forth rigorously.
"I'm f,fine. I'm just tired. So tired... I haven't been sleeping." She sobs.
"At all?"
She shakes her head.
"You slept last night. On the porch."
"No, I didn't. I just waited for you to fall asleep first."
It's clear to me that no matter how much I plead with her to tell me what happened she won't tell me. At least not yet.

"It's okay Madison. We're gonna be okay." I promise here.
"C'mere." I lead her to the bed and pull back the covers.
She slides in without a word and lays Kara on her chest. I sit in beside her, pulling her close.
Madison strokes Kara's back and whispers soothingly into her ear, telling her how much she loves her. This, right beside me is what I pictured in my dreams when I thought I lost her. Something I thought would only ever be dreams. I let myself relax knowing she's safe beside me, even if she doesn't feel it, I know she's safe. I won't let anything happen to her, to either of them.

"You're not a bad mother and she doesn't hate you. She cried for like a week straight without you. And I would know because I tried to drown out the sound by locking myself in my room and covering my ears with a pillow. So, I'm not exactly winning father of the year either."
"You came around though. That's all that matters." She whispers.

And then, Kara stops crying and quickly drifts into a sleep, her tiny hands clinging onto Madison's shirt, pulling her close, looking for comfort from her mom. Madison lays her head back on the pillow beside me and smiles to herself. That's probably the first time I've seen her smile since she got home and I can't help but retaliate.
"I did it." She whispers.
"Yes, you did."
She nods and closes her eyes with a smile still shaping her lips.
So beautiful.

Within seconds I feel Madison's breaths  become slower and deeper and then I listen for her soft snores. Finally, that poor dog can relax too. I slide down and lay properly beside her, draping my arm across her lower stomach, right where her scar is. I fix the blanket around the three of us and I close my eyes finally allowing myself to sleep, knowing we're going to be okay.

MADISON'S POV.
I wake to the nightmares of my own memories. The asylum, the torture, the guilt, the people I left behind... all of them. Good and bad.

My eyes snap open and my breathing is so fast I almost mistake it for the dogs panting as he watches me from the bottom of the bed. I'm too warm. Hot and sweaty as if I had run a marathon.

Kara lays soundly on my chest just where she was when I drifted to sleep. Actual sleep despite the terrifying images, I don't feel so tired anymore yet my bones feel heavy and weak. Carl's arm is draped across my torso, his fingers barely touching the new scar on my waist. It throbs now and again when I move too fast but we've all had worse so I'm not complaining.

I look up at Carl who has his head resting on the headboard instead of the pillow and his mouth hangs open. His hat has fallen to the floor. The small gap on his forehead just between his eyebrows creased with worry and I lift my free hand to smoothen it out. I don't want him to be worried. He shouldn't be worried. I want to say that everything has gone back to the way it should be but we both know that isn't true. Something has changed and I can't quite put my finger on it.

I hold onto Kara as I sit up and slip out of bed, still fully clothed. I saunter downstairs and listen to Fangs trot down behind me. When I push through the kitchen door I find Rick sitting at the table with Michonne, Maggie, Daryl and Jenna.

"Hey." Jenna smiles.
I surprise myself by feeling shocked that she acknowledged me.
"Hey." I respond.
"The cereal is on the counter." Rick points out.
I look over at the food and my stomach twists.
"You're gonna have to eat something Madison." Maggie notes.
"I will. I'm just not hungry right now."
She squints her eyes at me, seeing right through my lies.