||winter woods|| a therian journal

12/19/18

Hooray it's Christmas break!  I heard it might snow around Christmas, so that would be cool.

I still haven't figured out my canine theriotype and I'm like genuinely mad about that. However, I think it might look somewhat like a wolf or another large canine, and it probably lived somewhere in the north. Anyone have any ideas?

I stayed up til 1am last night and like ten hours later I'm still tired but you know that's just me

Moving on, this is way more personal, and I honestly wasn't gonna write this, but hey, this is a pretty anonymous place. Anyway, I was born a girl, but I've been questioning my gender for a long time. Ok well it's only been like 8 months but it feels a lot longer. I'm just constantly confused. Some days my identity will change multiple times an hour. It's an endless cycle between trans guy, nonbinary, and cis girl. At this rate I don't feel like I'll ever figure it out. I like being seen as a guy, but i want to just be a girl. The thing is, if I was born a girl, and i want to be a girl, then what's stopping me? That question has fueled so much of my confusion. How will I ever know? I couldn't ever turn to my parents, I love them and they are supportive for the most part, but the idea of telling them I might be trans makes me feel really sick. Another thing I've been worried about is femininity. As you can probably already tell, I am definitely a lover of beautiful things. I enjoy nature so much and I feel like this isn't affirming any trans ness at all and I'm so confused oh god I'm just gonna leave this here and go for a walk or something.