||winter woods|| a therian journal

In Between The Rain

You're sitting in a cafe in Paris. The rain is pouring outside and you're listening to calm but jazzy music on your headphones. Your waiter comes with your coffee, but your mind is somewhere else. 

^Unsuccesfully trying to put my lofi beats into words^ 

I've felt oddly sad and disoriented today. Maybe it's the weather. I think I failed my religion test, though I can't quite remember taking it. Everything was blurry and my mind was in the sort of state where I probably wouldn't have been able to answer 2+2. Then on the way to piano I got randomly violent, but by the time I was in piano, I had drifted to the content-sad state I'm in right now. It's like I feel sad, but in a poetic way. A good way, I guess. I just wanna listen to jazz, sip hot chocolate, read poetry, and listen to the rain. You know, poetically sad stuff. I've been listening to the eye lightening subliminal for about 30 minutes now and I think it suits my mood very well (just search eye lightening subliminal fé subliminals) On the other hand, I'm worried about my friend. She's the kind of person that never lets her smile leave her face when talking to her friends, but I often sneak a look at her when she's looking the other way, and most of the time, she looks pretty sad. She also jokes all the time about being sad and wanting to die. And today I saw her looking up the meaning of a semicolon tattoo, and then drawing it on her wrist. (If you don't know what it means, it's supposed to represent hope and faith for people who suffer from depression, loss of loved ones, anxiety, etc.) I later asked her about it, but she wouldn't tell. I admitted that I had looked it up earlier online. She looked momentarily shocked, then went on to tell that she didn't really know what it meant and that "I jUsT lIKe PuncTUaTiOn okAY" I really want to talk about it with her, but I'm scared that she won't want to, or that there might be nothing going on after all. Or what if she does want to talk about it but she's too embarrassed or afraid? What should I do?