Grey Skies, White Lies - Larina | [COMPLETE]

Chapter 43 | Hungry for Success.

* Hey! It's been a long while, I hope some of you will still be interested in reading this update though! I cannot believe Larina have started being so pUBLIC since the last time I updated, I don't need to use manips for the headers anymore, wtf!? How times change! *

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"You shouldn't have left without your phone, I had no idea where you'd gone." I said as we exited the room and deposited into the lobby area. I felt Emily's eyes all over us, turning us over in her mind, her presence alone was threatening.

"I know, I'm sorry." Marina gulped, not bracing to face me.

We weaved our way through the businessmen that entered the building until we found ourselves back on the street. We made our way to our all-too-familiar hotel, sheer silence carrying us as we did so.

When we reached the hotel, we reached room 102, entered and sat down on the unmade bed. Not a word was let out. I was half-waiting for Marina to jump up and make the bed, as she always did. She didn't.

"Last night really was nothing." She eventually let slip, her words shattering the silence and the solitude that came with it.

"Nothing?" I repeated, shaking my head slowly. "If it was nothing I wouldn't feel the way I do right now." I snapped.

Marina gulped. "It was nothing to me." She told me, reaching to run her thumb along my thigh, greeted with hostility and my leg tensing involuntarily.

"Well done on the record deal, though." I said, changing the subject completely, the 'well done' posing as an exchange between two acquaintances, not two lovers.

"Thanks." She replied, guilt radiating as she spoke.

I hated myself for this. I'd taken the joy out of my girlfriend's success because I was jealous. Because of my insecurities. It was all so selfish. I wished more than anything that sometimes this would all go away. I was so hungry for success, sometimes it felt like I'd lost who I was before that. Was I anything before that?

"What do you want to do today?" She asked, repeating the question I had shut down earlier. I could tell she so desperately wanted to pretend last night didn't happen... and so did I. I wanted to pretend that nothing happened, like she seemed to be able to with her words. But it kept replaying in my mind, the wrath I felt physically take over as I stood in that bathroom, seeing Marina with another. The thought of losing her, that would be the end for me. There would be nothing worth living for without her. And all I wanted to do right now was drink.

"Shall we go for a walk, I heard the Christmas markets are beautiful." I forced, pushing the thoughts to the back of my mind. I watched as Marina looked taken aback, almost as if she hadn't expected my lenience just yet.

"Sounds good to me." She said, softly, stroking my leg before pushing herself up off the bed and to get ready.

When we made it to the Christmas markets, the atmosphere was so buzzing, it was overwhelming in all the positive ways imaginable. I loved business. It made me forget for a while. The smell of mulled wine lingered around me for what seemed stronger than necessary. I scrunched my nose up as it entered my nostrils, almost as if it was inviting me to take a cup. Just one. Everyone drinks at Christmas after all, don't they?

"I've never been one for mulled wine." Marina interrupted my thoughts. It was scary how that woman could read my mind sometimes, it was almost as if she felt she needed to save me from my own mind. She always did that, just by being by my side.

"Neither." I white-lied. I didn't particularly like the taste, nor indulging in the experience that is hot alcohol, but right now I was definitely one for mulled wine.

Marina lead me to one of the jewellery stalls, running her finger tips along the fluorescent bracelets, beads and string as soon as she could. She took several moments analysing each area of the stall. All I could think was just how guilty I felt for not having a mind as pure as hers. She was appreciating the moment whilst I was wishing I was somewhere else, completely losing pieces of myself as I became intoxicated until the moment was no long the present.

"Lizzy, look at these!" Marina interrupted, again, lifting up two necklaces, each reading our respective star-signs. "We absolutely have to buy them." She beamed.

I smiled and nodded, forcing a warm expression as she reached into her purse, pulling out the money and exchanging small talk with the cashier.

She handed hers to me, whilst she fastened the one reading 'Gemini' around my neck before I reciprocated the action with her 'Libra' one.

"I've never had matching jewellery with anyone." Marina smiling, gently clasping her hand around my own, leading me further down the street. I felt so absent, nothing felt real.