Grey Skies, White Lies - Larina | [COMPLETE]

Chapter 23 | Bambi Eyes.

- Marina's POV -

I watched her, listening intently as she told me of her experiences with Interscope, an unfamiliar vulnerability carrying her voice as she recapped. I wasn't angry at her now, I wasn't even upset. I was just confused.
 
"So, let me get this straight." I began. "You've never slept with Steve?" I queried, trying to make sense of my thought process.

"No." She replied, softly but surely, though I'm sure I heard her voice crack.
 
"But you've been in 'situations' with his colleagues?" I recalled, I could tell this was making her uncomfortable but the entire state of affairs made me uncomfortable. By now, I was used to being stuck in positions I resented; this was different. Her vulnerable Bambi eyes foreign to me, for she was usually so assertive with her words.

"Yes." She confirmed, again, softly but surely.

I sighed as I watched her shift uncomfortably, the weight of the conversation clearly taking its toll. I placed my hand on her thigh, assuring her I wasn't judging her I simply wanted to know the truth.

The next morning I awoke to the sound of rain pattering against the window, pathetic fallacy attributing the emotions I couldn't speak.

What was I doing? Why was I here? My mind refused to let me have peace, I felt so drained, as if nothing would ever work out for me, why would it? Perhaps a selfish approach, but I couldn't help but notice the almost-silent drops of rainfall against the cold glass, between the thoughts clouding the headspace I had left for positivity.

I always felt like I would get there eventually but suddenly, eventually seemed so far away and striving towards it seemed so difficult. My Mum always told me 'it's yours for the taking and the taking would be yours' but the quote that once was one of comfort, now seemed miscellaneous. I felt a silent tear escape my eye, if things were meant to look better in the morning, why did it look worse now?

I sat up and brushed myself down, the presence of Lizzy asleep behind me heavy on my aura. I turned my head to look at her, a million directionless words pulsating in my mind. She was so beautiful. Her heart clearly sharing the lack of direction my own had.

As I stood up to make my way into the kitchen, something about the weather reminded me of my father. Whether it was the bitter-cold air or the grey skies, I wasn't sure, I just knew I thought of him during the times I least wanted to. Something about the energy made me want to turn back the clocks and make me a listen to him, he always reckoned he knew best, and though he wasn't there very often, I'm beginning to think he was right.

"Marina?" A soft voice called, breaking the consolidation conversation I was having with myself and snapping me back to reality. Lizzy appeared in the doorway, her emerald gown draping over her shoulders as if it was accustomed to do so, her face pale and painted with curiosity.

"I have to work today." I informed, turning to half-face her.

"Do you want me to com-" She began but I interrupted her.

"No, it's a long shift, Charli's working, I'll be fine." I excused, though I wasn't sure why. I wasn't angry at her, not in the slightest, I guess I just craved some time apart, to think things through and validate what I was going to do next. Wondering aimlessly never really was my thing.

"Being surrounded by the same four walls can become frustrating sometimes." She said, an undertone of disappointment in her voice.

I didn't know what to say. Though I'm sure she wasn't trying to guilt-trip me, I couldn't help but feel empathy.

"I just need some time alone, to think things through, I still have no idea what I'm going to do about Steve." I justified.

"Whatever you choose to do, I'll be with you. Do what you think's best." She ensured, a familiar understanding in her voice.

I forced a smile upon my face before turning around to face the kitchen-counter, I let it drop instantly. I said I wanted time alone to think about it, yet I didn't know where to begin.