Benefits

Ch. 85: Used To Love You

"Alright what's wrong, megor amiga." Best friend. I sit down on the bench next to her. The other side of me is where my gym clothes lay.

She sniffles, but no tears appear from her eyes, "Your pronunciation is better." She comments my speaking of Spanish.

"Don't divert."

"Know me so well, don't you Dennings." She wipes under eyes. "It's just," She trails, thinking to herself as her eyes stare into the concrete of the floor, "Since telling you of that night, I've been having frequent nightmares of it." That's night. The night that changed everything.

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault, really isn't." She laughs sadly, "It's mine." She looks back to me, her eyes glazing over with more tears when she stares into my covered ones. "That night, you know how Gen is." Gen is Serena's best friend. Never was too fond of the girl, but she kept Serena company when I couldn't. "I was going to stay in the night like I told you that night, but she came to my house at 8, and she begged me to go." I stay silent, and await for her more exclamation that should have happened years ago. This closure is much needed. "So I did. I wanted you to come with us, but Gen said your were a major buzzkill. I mean I didn't think you were, but like I said, Gen always gets what she wants. We go to Dawson's house, and I'll be the first to admit that I was attracted to him, but you were my man." Her hand reaches over to mine that rests on my thigh, and I don't bother to move it as I'm so captivated to this recollection of memories from her, "And Of course I drank, and I drank. One thing lead to another, and I was dancing with him." She chokes out the last part.

"In a way you would of hated." I pull my hand away from hers, but she reaches once more with a pained look, "And I was wrong. I kissed him first, and I thought that was going to be it. I kiss him, and we both would forget about it the next day, but he took me into the nearest bathroom and..."

"Don't-"

"No, I need you to know. He took me there, and I told him I had a boyfriend. He kept kissing my neck and he took my nervous uncomfortable laughs for drunken ones. I told him I didn't want to, but instead he said that I was just nervous. I told him I loved you, but he said if I loved you, I wouldn't have kissed him first, and that I was asking for it while he was pulling my dress up."

I swallow the bile that rises through my chest. "So instead of struggling against him, I did it. I would rather peg it off as drunk sex then tell people I got raped in the bathroom when everyone clearly saw I was kissing him outside."

"What is with girls thinking people won't believe them?" I slap my hand against my forehead.

"I was in denial. I kept telling myself I liked it. The difference is, I didn't want it." At that very sentence, all of my hatred towards Dawson doubled, and any regret of last night was now put to rest. He deserved it.

"You could of told me, and I would have believed you."

"Why would you?"

"Because you were best friend, Serena. If you were to tell me that water was acid I would believe you because I loved you." I say meaning every word. "You were my everything before everything meant nothing to me."

"So does that change anything? What I've told you." Hope fills her eyes.

"No. You're too late." I wish it would, but Dawn has me wrapped around her finger, that I can't stray away from her any longer. "And you kissed him first."

"Jake, it was a mistake."

"I'm in love with someone else." I blurt out.

"That doesn't mean you don't love me anymore. Say it. Say you don't love me anymore, and I'll leave you two alone. Say that when you look at me you don't think about the happier times. Say it." She begs.

"I... I don't love you anymore."

She doesn't believe me, and I don't believe myself. I love her strictly as a friend and as a memory.

"Tell me you don't remember the feeling of our first kiss. Warm lips, warm hands. It was just so warm." She cuts herself off by connecting our lips.

I pull back immediately once her warm lips touch mine.

It was only for a second, but the familiarity flared something.

The familiarity reminded of one thing only, I hated kissing her.

"Serena stop." I push her back as she tries to kiss me again.

"Why? You want it, I want it." Her eyes beg for me.

"No, I don't." I stand up, "You're right. I do love you, but as a friend. And for what you've told me about Dawson has not changed anything for what I feel about Dawn. I love her, and I won't hurt her."

"All you'll care about is her." Her eyes dagger through at the mention of Dawn.

"That's not true. What I did last night-"

"What did you do?"

"I took care of Dawson, that's all you need to know. Now will you excuse me I have to change-" I need her out of here, I can't stand to be this close since she kissed me and I feel horrible about it.

"Serena-" my voice is cut out as I see the door has been opened. I closed it before I came in here.

-

A/N: sorry it's a short chapter! It's Christmas so... Merry Grinchmas! Jk... Merry Christmas and here's my gift to you! In this book, Christmas is coming up soon, so stay tuned for that.

Thoughts about Serena and Jake?

Tbh... they get pretty intense don't you think? It's kind of sad lol.

Anyway, vote and comments lots because you know I love them!!!