Benefits

Ch. 84: Issues

"It's not-"

"No it is, and it's fucking annoying! Why don't You're friends no about me? Why doesn't Serena fuck off? Where were you last night?" He mocks my voice. "I'm over it."

"So what's that suppose to mean?"

"It means nothing. I'm just over your petty ass shit."

"Well I'm over you making me feel like shit."

"So what are you going to do about it." He chuckles rudely.

I begin to back away from him, but he steps forward grasping my arm. "Let go. You can't just grab me when you want!" I snatch my arm away from him.

"Why are you so extra!" He pulls the back of his hair.

"Where were you last night?" I ignore his low blows, and get to the point I was trying to make before I knew how big of an asshole he was for not telling his "friends" about me.

"Out."

"With who?"

"Some guys."

"If you're not going to be honest then this isn't going to work." I turn back around only for him to stop me by walking around from the back.

"Dawn, can you just drop it." He begs rudely.

"Why are you being secretive? You promised me no more secrets."

"I was with Serena." He blurts out.

Oh. "Why?" My voice cracks.

"Cause she was hurt. You hurt her, and I had to comfort her." He says nonchalantly.

"You didn't have to really. What about me? What about my comfort?" My tears water, and I watch the boy that I love look down at the ground. I follow his gaze, and his hands quickly move out of my clear vision.

"What's wrong with your hands?"

"Nothing." He tucks them in his pockets.

"Jake. I'm this close of ending it all. All of it. Not giving a shit about Ledger or Serena. This is between you and me. Now if you don't show me your fucking hands. I'm through with you."

"So you're going to break up with me because I won't show you my hands." He scoffs.

"Yes!" I yell because it'll outshine my lack of confidence.

"So you would breakup with your so called love of your life because they wouldn't show their fucking hands!" He fails his arms around dramatically, and I would follow his hands with my eyes to see the distraction, but this argument is getting too good.

"No I'm going to break with the love of my life because he's lied to me, and he dares to throw Serena name at me just because he knows she'll hurt me. I'll break up with him because I deserve someone who tells me the truth to me, and nothing but the truth. Because if there's no truth, then there's no actual love."

He presses his lips together roughly, but snaps his arms around the front of his body. His hands take me aback as I see his knuckles are now scabbed up. I mean they're usually always are, but these scabs are fresh and there not healing anytime soon.

"What happened?" My hands tracing his cuts on his knuckles.

"Dawn just trust me." I look back up to his covered eyes, and I move my other hand to push them up on top of his head. He closes his eyes immediately. I know him, and I know he gets uncomfortable around people without his glasses. Especially at school, but I need to see his eyes to know if he is being legit.

"Open your eyes." I beg, going on my tiptoes, so I can reach his chin. He tilts his head down, and one by one his eyes open to mine. His exprsssions reading a mixture of things that I can't pinpoint.

"Dawn, I need you to just trust me. Okay?"

"I don't know if I can." I answer honestly. Something breaks into him, and his unreadable face, reads of sadness. "I need space if you're not going to let me in."

"Dawn-" he tries to grasp my forarm, and I let him, reveling in the heat for one moment longer, "If I told you everything that I've ever done, you'd hate me before you even knew me."

"You don't know that. I don't judge, Jake. We've gone through this. You and me. Me and you on a day of benefits. I sat on your lap reflecting every scar that's been embedded on your skin, and you were afraid of my judgement. I never did such, my love." I grace his jaw, and his eyes close af my touch, "But if you can't tell me what's going on about your broken knuckles and nothing will change that, then I need space."

"I can't stand to be away from you."

"You were fine yesterday with Serena." I sneer.

"You already know I was lying about that."

"And you said you never lied."

He bites his inner cheek, "Only to hurt."

"Well that makes me feel better." I grimace.

"Please dont make me stay away from you." He begs, hovering my hand with his own hand on his jaw. The pleading holds within him, and I almost relent. Almost.

"Just for a few days when you've come to realization that you are bound to tell me what happened." He laughs to my response, and I believe that he knows it's true.

"Could I at least come over tonight?"

"You didn't last night. I didn't think you would want come tonight either."

"Like I said before. I'm bound to tell you eventually." The bell rings, signalling first period starting shortly after. I lean in for a kiss instantaneously, but he pulls back, looking to our surroundings.

"What?" I follow his gaze to the crowds of people walking about the campus hallways.

"Nothing. Space remember." He pulls away completely, and begins to trot off.

"Typical." I mumble to myself. He freezes from his stance, and turns back around towards me.

"What's the suppose to mean?"

"You don't want to kiss me in front of these people." His peers. For someone who doesn't like to be judged, he sure cares what people think about him if he doesn't want to kiss me in front of them.

He rolls his eyes, and slides his glasses back over his eyes concealing his scowl into a smirk. He grasps the back of my neck, and forces a kiss to my lips. I can barely reach for air, but I'm grateful and kind of taken aback from the spontaneous kiss as he finally pulls back. "It's not like I don't want to, but I'm honestly out of my comfort zone when it comes to PDA. Stop thinking of the worst from me." The last line from his mouth reflects a frown that matches mine.

"I'm sorry. Force of habit." Just like the habit of him lying, but we'll never end this cycle of petty arguments. Neither one of us will see the light of first period.

"Okay." He cups my cheek one last time with his hand, and awkwardly removes it to the back of his head, as he walks away once more.

Not even a goodbye or an I love you.

For someone who's been in a relationship, he is unsure of himself when it comes to relationship situations.