Is it Hot in Here... Or Is It Just You?(ManxMan)

Chapter 20: Ardous life

"Matt! How are you doing today?" Josh asked me cheerfully, but his eyes seemed to be asking me something else.

"Not good. I am absolutely, thoroughly confused." I told him honestly.

"That's alright Matt. You take your time. I completely understand how you feel right now, but it's something one needs to figure out on their own. But if you need me to help you make a choice," he gave me a shy half-smile, his gaze dropping towards my lips.

I just nodded and quickly walked to my cabin hoping to lock myself in and get some solid work done.... to find Sam waiting for me.

Usually when I find Samirah Mathers in my cabin, I used to be thrilled. But today I needed time and space from any and everybody to think.

"Matt!" She stood up and hugged me and I just let her, not returning the hug.

"Matt is everything alright?"

"No, yeah I'm fine."

"Is it about Josh and you?" She asked gently and I looked up at her, seeing the searching gaze for the first time.

"What? No!" I shook my head but that made it look worse as though I was avoiding talking about him.

But it was the devil I wanted to forget. Not anybody else.

"Hey hey it's okay to be confused." She smiled at me and patted my shoulder.

"Wait a minute! How do you know about Josh and I?"

"Because I was the one who told him to go after you, when I understood what you told me that day when we had lunch... that you liked someone but you had to sort through your issues... maybe all you needed was a nudge from the other side?"

"Sam? Did you just-"

"I know I know, that sounds very meddlesome... but I have your back Matt. I don't want my friend to be sad and lonely."

"Samirah Mathers, did it ever occur to you that I didn't want to be friends with you? That I kept trying to ask you out but you just thought of me as nothing but a colleague? Do you understand how absolutely miserable I felt as I saw two men gallivanting around with you, and I tried to support you through it all? Oh my! Trust me I tried so hard... but I am done trying to play charades and let you turn a blind-eye towards my feelings... I like you Sam! You! Not Josh or the devil or that bartender or whatever!"

"What?" Sam had the most confused face on.

"Yeah I know I probably don't make much sense now, but every word of what I said is true. I like you Sam. Enough to wait for you to sort through whatever you are feeling, and respect your wishes. I- uh I'll just leave now." I turned back and sped walked out of my own cabin, leaving the puzzled redhead gawking at me, just before the door closed.

"Hey Matt!" Josh called me again and I just really wanted to sit on the floor and sob.

Why was life so difficult? Arduous?

"Here you go. I got you your usual coffee, because I don't know? You seemed pretty stressed then." He offered me my black coffee and I couldn't help but feel immediately better knowing that the huge Venti's constituents would be in my belly soon, jolting my brain and clearing my thoughts enough for me to focus on work.

"Thanks mate!" I took the coffee from him but almost dropped it when I realised what I said.

"Oh uh... your welcome buddy?" He replied, wincing at his own words and that's when I really wanted to the earth to open me up and swallow me.

Like the coward I am, I sped walk out of there again, and typed out an email to my boss asking for a work from home shift since I knew I could never get work done if I stayed in the office after all that had transpired.