Insatiable

Six

"Are you sure you want to just avoid him? I mean, hell. If I had those moments with him, I'd just have sex with the guy." Camila says as I drive us to school. Isaac started his morning detention today and so Mom took him and I get to drive.

"Yeah. I know we had a couple of moments but you know Kayla would kill me and so would everyone else. It's just best if I let this go, and anyway I need to focus on who my mystery guy is. If I am pregnant, I sure as hell am not doing this alone." I sigh.

"I don't blame you, but still." She says, turning up the radio. Ed Sheeran's Perfect is playing and I sing along. Once we are parked, Kayla all but tramples people down to get to us.

"Are you okay?  We were so worried, Haley. We knew that sicko was creeping on you. We are here for you. The team has your back."  She comforts. Camila casts me a shit-eating grin. A revving engine draws me away from the girls as Shawn pulls in on Jasper. He catches my eye almost immediately and smiles and Kayla notices. "Oh hell no. He will not look at you anymore. Come on, girls. Let's set him straight." She demands.

"Wait! I uhm... I was actually wanting to tell you I have an appointment on Friday at four so I won't make it to practice." I distract her.

"That's totally okay, honey. Is it a therapist for your traumatic experience?" She asks sympathetically. The girls march around me as if I am in a protective bubble.

"Something like that," I say. I see Brett on the horizon and I want to head the other way but the girls are blocking me in.

"Haley, I want to apologize for being so aggressive with you yesterday. What do you say you come over and I make it up to you?" He offers.

"If you want to see me, you can take me out," I tell him.

"How about the drive-in tonight then?" He smiles and I am shocked. Does he mean the drive-in theater? Outside? In public where he can't grope me? Hell yes.

"That sound's great. Bring blankets and we can sit in my truck bed." I agree and he grins. Camila gives me a look. I ignore her. I am taking my life back. Watching the whole scene is Shawn, but I don't care. In Anatomy, I don't really talk to him but I catch myself staring at the deep gash in his lip. I wish that wasn't so damn attractive. Isaac joins us in lunch and I am thankful to see my brother.

"How is it?" I ask him. He has cooled off from yesterday and he seems to be happy.

"Boring as hell but it could be worse. Have you seen Shawn today?" He asks.

"I saw him in Anatomy but we didn't really talk. His lip is busted." I inform. He smiles at this.

"Good. It's good to have you back, baby sis." He hugs me and ruffles my hair and I groan. 

"Thanks. I'm excited about practice and afterward, Brett and I are going to see a movie." 

"That's great, Haley. No more of this Shawn nonsense then." He beams. Shawn doesn't try to catch up to me throughout the day and I miss his presence but I can't so I distract myself. Kayla praises me all through practice and only points out my weight once. I'm glad this is all working because I am starving. I am just glad it's worth it. I find myself being excited for my date as I pick out a cute sweater to wear with my cuffed jeans and a pair of black flats. I curl my hair and do my makeup all nice and soft and I feel like I am glowing.

"You look beautiful." My mom smiles as I come into the living room to wait on Brett. Once he arrives, he doesn't come to the door. He just goes to the truck and sits and he even honks the horn to hurry me up which kind of irritates me but I don't say anything. Once we are parked in the drive in and the blankets are laid out in the back, we hop in the back and I lay down. He scoots down to my level and doesn't even break before he is trying to make out with me. His lips are sloppy and slimy and cold and I don't like them so I try to push him off of me but that just encourages him to travel lower. He tries to kiss my jaw and neck and chest and I keep trying to push him off but he is relentless. He tries to unbutton my pants.

"Brett-" He kisses my lips to silence me again and I grunt. He takes this me liking it because he slips his hand under the waist of my pants and tries to couch me. "Brett-' He kisses me harder and touches me more aggressively. I bite his lip hard enough to have him reeling back and he looks at me as if to ask why'd I do that. "I don't want to do that. Can't we just watch the movie?" I ask, kind of scared. He isn't too happy and won't hold my hand through any of it but maybe that's good. I keep trembling. The movie is pretty good but I didn't catch what it was called.  I expected Brett to suggest dinner but he doesn't. I guess that's good though, because I don't have to lie about why I'm not eating.

"Night, Haley." He mutters. 

"Wait, Brett." I insist. He turns to look at me while still seated. "Kiss me, please." I sigh. He starts to look excited again and leans in close. His hand settles way too high on my thigh for my comfort but I don't say anything as he probes at my mouth with his tongue. Once he has gotten in, he starts to poke around and he feels slimy and gross but I let him. He moves his hand to my crotch and tries to rub but I pull his hand away. He takes the hand I moved and sticks it up my shirt instead and his hand feels clammy and wet and gritty and gross. He tries once again to kiss at my neck and I pull away and get out of the truck. He follows confused.

"I have a curfew." I lie. "Goodnight, Brett. Thank you for the movie." He grumbles and nods and finally leaves and  I am met at the door by my mom.

"How was it, deary?" She asks. I look at her and I can't lie. She would know and I really need to get this off my chest.

"It was awful." I sigh.

"What do you mean?"

"He's so... handsy. And all about sex. He took me to the movies and actually wouldn't stop trying to touch me and then in the truck I felt bad for saying no because he wasn't talking to me so I kissed him and he took that as an invitation to start all over again. He didn't even offer me dinner and didn't get any drink from the concessions and it's not like I wanted to eat or anything but the gesture would have been nice." She looks at me with sympathy.

"How long has he been like this?"

"For as long as we have been dating. I've never once given it to him and you would think he would take a hint." I scoff.

"Why are you still with him?" My mom asks and I start to think about the question. Why am I still with Brett?

"Because he loves me," I state.

"But you don't love him." She counters.

"I... I do." I frown.

"Babygirl, I raised you. I changed your smelly diaper, fed you, dressed you, listened to you go on and on about cheer, and talked to you about your dreams. I think I can tell when my baby is and isn't in love. And if you say no and he keeps going or makes you feel guilty, that isn't love either. That's toxic." She finishes. I look at her for some time, trying to understand.

"Do you think I'm in love?" I ask.

"Not with Brett, honey. I don't know who else there could be but I can tell something is different, even if it's not love yet." She smiles. "Now, I need to go check on your brother. He has been holed up in his room for hours probably sulking and I hope he's not dead. I hope I helped." She smiles sweetly.

"Yeah, mom. Thank you." I get up from the couch and grab a water on my way to my room. My belly hasn't stopped rumbling in a while so I gulp down the bottle fast, hoping to ease the aggression. My body feels week and almost lifeless, like a single poke could cause a bloody bruise. I should shower. I wash the filth off of me where Brett kept touching. I laugh aloud when I think about Shawn. I used to call him filth. For years, up until this semester, all of my friends would avoid the punks like the plague. They were disgusting and useless and they didn't deserve our presence.  I was so much better than Shawn because I was pure and clean and I was nice but he is nice too and funny and sexy and damn, I just wish this class never happened. I wish we never had to get close. I wish  I never would have agreed to put aside our feud and put on his hoodie and I wish I never would have seen Jasper.

I wish I never met Shawn Mendes.