The Angel And The Hunter |Destiel OneShots

I Don't Deserve To Be Saved

So this was the original one-shot that actually started all this shit, but I lost the notebook it was in. I was fucking around earlier and fell into a shelf (I am a dumbass) and found it. This kinda turned out not horrible, but then again what do I know.

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The angel stood in front of me, making the space around us feel small, even though the barn was huge. The way he looked at me, it made me squirm. It felt strange like I wasn't being looked at, rather being looked through, like I was simply a piece of glass.

"You don't think you deserve to be saved?" He said, eyebrows knitted. His gaze seemed to soften at the words.

I stared into the huge blue eyes. I was taken aback by the question, but the answer wasn't difficult. I wasn't the type to spill my life story to some random half-pint punk, but he needed to understand, he raised the wrong man out of hell. I huffed out my answer, gesturing to the air as the words fell from my mouth.

"What do you mean why? Monsters don't deserve to be saved and I am a monster. I have more blood on my hands than you could imagine. I've taken more lives than I can ever save."

The barn became eerily silent, not that it wasn't eerie before. I took a seat on a wooden crate behind me, what seemed to be sawdust started to stick to my jeans. After a few moments, the angel looked at me with what seemed to be concern, a sense of caring. The only thing is, I knew it wasn't real, this son of a bitch just wants me for the big man's grand plan. Supernatural creatures don't care about their prey.

"That isn't true," The angel whispered. He left his mouth open as if wanting to say more but I cut him off before he could. Before he could try to convince me I'm worth saving. Before they could convince themselves I was worth saving. Before he could convince himself that going to hell and pulling me out was worth it.

"Yes, it is!" I shouted my voice a hollowed piece of what it was before. "Have you seen the things I've done. The horrible cruel things, the things that keep me up at night?

I paused, forcing down a few tears. When I spoke again, my voice was only a fractured whisper "I miss when this was about saving people. Good people, people who didn't deserve to die. I may help people, but I hurt so much more. And how can you say I'm not a monster when you haven't even seen all the things I've done?"

The angel stared me in the eyes, his glance shifting for a second as he watched a single tear roll down my face. We stayed silent, the tension thick like fog. He opened his mouth to speak, his words falling like stones from his mouth, fast and heavy.

"You seem to forget I am the one who raised you from Hell. I took your soul and pieced it back together, inspecting every inch. I have seen every cell in your body, every last fiber in your being. It is not easy work, patching up a soul. I know you better than you know yourself. I have seen every moment of anguish, every moment of triumph. I have seen every life you have taken, and the many more you have saved. I know you recite every name and date in your memory, and I know the tug of guilt each name carries, new and old. Every name seems like a million to you and I understand. I was forced to take in all this pain while healing you. I lived through all that pain, even for a short while. I can't fathom the feeling of taking that pain and bottling it up for all those years. Though there is a difference. You can only see the names of those lives you have taken, I am forced to look at both the lives saved and lost. I can see every name and it is overwhelming, but there are many more that you have saved rather than harmed. You are not a monster, monsters harm and hurt and kill. You protect and save. I am faithful in God's decision to choose you. Do not come to me, do not look me in the eyes, do not utter the words 'I don't deserve to be saved'. Do not think for a moment, Dean Winchester, that you are not worth saving."

I didn't notice how close he was until he finished speaking. I stood up, a few feet apart from the angel.

"What's your name again?"

"Castiel"