Bad Boy

It's been too long.

1st month:

It's been horrible living in this god awful forsaken world without Mike. It was all my fault, he was drunk. But still I could never forgive him for what he did. Ever since that night I've started my old habit again; cutting. When Ronnie would be out with the guys, I would sneak bottles of liquor into my room and by the end of the night I would be passed out drunk with a broken bottle next to me. After that I promised myself I would never see the sunlight again, I don't want to cause anymore pain to anybody. Everyday I would receive large amounts of text messages and phone calls from Mike and half of them were from Vic. I've also vowed to myself to distance myself from everybody. The only person I couldn't stay away from was Ronnie. He was my brother I practically live with him. Not kidding I do. Only twice a day I would come out of my room for food but later on I ended throwing it up, cutting, and drinking more liquor.

2nd month:

I'm getting used to this binging or what Ronnie calls it purging. Last week I ended up cutting my wrist so deep I had to go to the hospital which was horrible. It didn't stop me from doing it again, all because of those little evil son of a bitch voices in my head. The doctor said I've developed bulimia and depression with a mild case of bipolar-ness. Great. Just keep on adding things to your list of reasons why you're a freak Spencer.

3rd month:

The PTV boys have finally given up on me. Which I didn't expect for them to keep holding on for that long. My last bottle of liquor was just recently finished. Stumbling to get to my feet, I stood in the mirror. I poked at my skin. I could see my ribs and bones. Look at your self Spencer you're pathetic! No one will want you now! No wonder why Mike left cheated on you, you're just a suicidal depressive freak! These voices were really getting to me each and every day.

4th month:

I haven't spoken to anybody in four goddamn months. Before I started purging I was 125 lbs now I'm about 90 lbs. Multiple times I tried taking my own life for causing so much stress on Ronnie but I always failed. I'm a failure. Ronnie leaves for tour tomorrow and I'll be stuck here. Prefect chance Spencer don't fuck it up! I staggered standing up holding on the my dresser. C'mon you pathetic little bitch! Kill yourself no one loves you anymore! Your own brother doesn't even love you, that's why he's leaving!

"Get out. Get the fuck out of my head you evil bitch!!" I screamed throwing a lamp across the room.

Ronnie came crashing into the room with a worried look on his face. He then turned and saw me crying. He picked me up and sat me on his lap.

"Spencer was it the voices again," I shake my head yes still sobbing. "The doctor told you to take your medicine. It'll help you get better I promise."

"I'm so sorry for causing so much stress on you at this time." my voice sounding raspy form the screaming and crying.

"Don't worry that's what family's are for," He said making me smile a bit. "You're actually not staying by yourself here, I had asked Kellin Quinn to stay with you while I'm on tour. Got it?"

"Yes sir." I coughed out.

Ronnie left me be for a while before making me eat. Which I had thrown up. I had gotten used to not eating. For the fourth month in a row I cried my self to sleep.

_________

Before Ronnie left today he woke me up so I can meet Kellin. In fact I have know him for awhile, I met him during on of PTV's parties. He's a real sweetheart. Before deciding on walking downstairs I took a shower and dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt. I threw my hair into a messy bun and walked downstairs. Kellin was sitting at the island in the kitchen talking with Ronnie. Kellin smiled as soon as he noticed that I was downstairs. That smile could brighten anyone's mood and it did mine but it changed quickly when Ronnie handed me food. I glared at Ronnie saying I'm-not-fucking-hungry without speaking a word. But he made me eat anyways. I slowly walked my way upstairs again looking down at my scars. Spencer you're so fucking stupid.