Let shadows die, So I can feel alive

Chapter Thirty

 Cassidy's pov-

I woke up before Andy and I snuck quietly down to the kitchen so that I could make us both some breakfast before James arrived. I pulled out ingredients to make Andy's favourite chocolate chip pancakes and I hummed softly to the radio as I started preparing the food.

As I was beginning to cook the final pancake a pair of tattooed arms snaked around my waist "morning baby" I turned my head to peck his lips and he smiled into the kiss "morning Cass, you really didn't need to make breakfast. Although it does smell amazing". I continued to prepare our breakfast as Andy grabbed us both some drinks and sat down at the table, I served up the pancakes and set a plate in front of him "thank you honey" he began to eat and I copied his actions as I sat down opposite him. We ate in silence and I could tell that he was feeling apprehensive about what was to come. "Are you okay?" I spoke softly from across the table, he lifted his gaze away from his almost empty plate towards me "I'm fine Cass" he looked unsure of himself and I grabbed his hand from across the table "you'll be okay babe, you've got this" he nodded as he brushed his fingers through his hair. Pushing his plate away he grabbed his phone from the table and stood up "I'm just going to give Ash a call. I need to let everyone know what's going on" I nodded and watched as he shuffled into the living room and I began to load the dishwasher to pass the time.

()()()

"I'm going to miss you" I sighed as I cuddled into his chest, he wrapped his arms comfortingly around me and he held me close as he kissed the top of my head "I'll miss you too Cass, but it won't be for long". It was coming up to 12 and James would be arriving any time soon, I was anxious for Andy and I was hoping that he wouldn't notice, so far he had been so caught up in his own worrying that he hadn't noticed but I couldn't blame him. "Did you have a fix this morning?" he shook his head "didn't think it would be a good idea" I nodded. "When do you have to start taking your meds?" he asked as he stroked his fingers through my hair "I have to go and meet the psychiatrist tomorrow, I'm assuming they will give them to me whilst I'm there" his expression turned sour "fuck, I'm so sorry I'm not going to be able to come with you. I wish I wasn't so reckless to get hooked on this shit" I turned to face him and pulled him into a hug "stop beating yourself up about this Andy, you need to be positive otherwise you're going to be stuck in this rut for a long time" I felt him nod against my shoulder and I pulled away from him "we are both going to be absolutely fine" he kissed me softly "you always know the right words to say" he sighed with a smile.

We were interrupted by a knock at the door, I felt Andy stiffen against me and I stroked his knee softly as I stood up "come on" I pulled him up from the couch and his nervous eyes watched me silently "you're going to be fine, Andy I promise you" I kissed him softly, he nodded, still seeming unsure as we began to make our way over to the door to meet James.

Andy opened the door to reveal a middle aged man standing on the porch, his hair was greying and he was dressed smart, adjusting the glasses he held his hand out towards him "I'm assuming you're Andrew, I'm James" Andy shook his hand nervously as he nodded his head "Andy. Thanks for coming" he turned to me "this is Cassidy, my girlfriend" I smiled towards James and shook his hand "nice to meet you Cassidy. I must say, Andy, you don't look half as bad as I was expecting. Usually the clients I help are strung out and unable to string out a sentence" he chuckled and Andy raised an eyebrow as he moved aside to let James enter the house.

Walking through to the living room James took a seat on the couch as Andy nervously sat down on the loveseat. "Can I get you something to drink James?" I asked as I stopped in the door way, he smiled towards me softly "I'm okay thank you Cassidy. Actually, I think now would be the best time for you to leave" I was shocked at his eagerness for me to leave and Andy seemed to have the same reaction, he had automatically stood to his feet watching me with pleading eyes. "I know this is difficult Andrew, but the sooner she leaves, the sooner we can begin your road to recovery" I gave James a small smile before turning to Andy who was now stood beside me. "He's right Andy" he took a deep breath before nodding "I'll walk you out" James nodded towards Andy "don't worry about him Cassidy. I will take good care of him" I thanked him softly before Andy grabbed my hand and walked me out of the living room and to the front door. "Good luck baby" he pulled me into a tight embrace and I kissed his neck gently, "I don't think I can do this Cass" his voice was shaky and I pulled away from his grip to look at him, I grabbed his face in my hands and stared deeply into his crystal blue eyes "Andy, I promise you, everything is going to be fine. You can do this 100%, I believe in you, the guys believe I you, hell even your fans would believe in you if they knew what was going on". He didn't reply straight away, he just pulled me back into his chest "I love you so much Cass. Please look after yourself while I'm gone" I nodded "I love you too and of course I will. I'm not on my own, my parents are around and I'm sure I'll see the guys at some point" he kissed me softly "I told Ashley to keep an eye on you when I spoke to him earlier. He will probably come and see you soon" I chuckled "don't worry about me, focus on getting clean, that's all that matters"

"good luck with your meeting with the psychiatrist tomorrow, I'll be thinking of you" I tried my best to hold back the tears as I gave him one last kiss. "I should go now, before James comes looking for you" I smirked as he rolled his eyes, I grabbed my bag from the floor and turned to open the door "I'm sure I'll see you in two weeks. You've got this" he gave me one last reassuring smile before I stepped out of the house and walked down to my car. I waved to Andy and he blew me one last kiss before I pulled out of the driveway and he closed the front door, leaving me to worry about the events that would take place in the house within the next two weeks.

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I hope that you enjoy this chapter. I'm sure you're all used to my lazy updates, I'm sorry.

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