Let shadows die, So I can feel alive

Chapter ThirtySix

-1 week later-

"So how'd it go?" I had just walked back out to the waiting room from my psychiatrist's office and Andy was already up out of the chair and grabbing my hand "it was fine. He's changed the dosage around so hopefully that should help with the fatigue" he nodded but still looked worried "so they have no concerns about the fact you were pretty much falling asleep every 30 seconds?" I shrugged "I mentioned it to him. He said it's a pretty common side effect of the meds" we climbed into his car after I had signed out "well fingers crossed this helps" he smiled. He kissed me softly before turning his attention to the road. "So I have a question" I nodded for him to continue "I'd like you to meet Lonny" I chewed on my lip as I watched the road ahead "you know how I feel about meeting new people babe" squeezing my thigh he sighed "I know. I just thought you'd want to at least meet him before we start tour. He's the sweetest dude. Honestly, he's pretty reserved too, you'll probably get along great" I sighed before nodding "alright" he grinned as he continued to drive "I'll invite him over at the weekend, we need to catch up on a few things anyway" the rest of the ride home was quiet.

()()()

"Cass, Lonny is here" Andy called from the entryway downstairs, I was sitting in our bedroom trying to build up the courage to meet Andy's new band mate. I was struggling to adapt to the lower dosage of my medication, the panic attacks which had relatively subsided had returned with a vengeance and after a panicked phone call with my psychiatrist a few days ago he had reassured me that they would reduce once my body had settled with the change in dose. "Hey. You coming down?" I jumped at Andy's sudden presence in the room "sorry" I sighed as he sat next to me on the window seat that had become my recent hiding spot. "Remember what the doctor said Cass. This is just temporary" I nodded as he wrapped me up in his arms "I just feel a bit defeated. It's like I've come this far just to fail and have to start all over again"

"look at me" he moved so that we were facing each other and he placed his hands on my cheeks gently "there is no way you have failed anything! It's just a little bump in the road. Your fatigue has stopped and you will get used to the new dose soon. Just give it time and stop being so hard on yourself". I couldn't help but smile at the look of love on his face "I love you" he smiled and kissed me softly "I love you too. Now are you going to come down? I'm worried that Lonny is going to ruin our house" we both laughed as I nodded. Grabbing my hand Andy led us through the house and down to the living room where Lonny was sat waiting patiently on the couch.

"Hey, it's so great to meet you. It's nice to finally meet the girl that Andy can't shut up about" I smiled as Lonny stood up. I was still practically glued to Andy's side as he held out his hand for me to shake. Andy gave Lonny an apologetic look as I didn't budge "it's lovely to meet you as well. I hope it's all good things that you've heard" my voice was a little shaky and Andy rubbed my back comfortingly "of course it is. I'd never say a bad word about you to anyone" I blushed at Andy's comment as Lonny sat back down. They began chatting about band related things and the upcoming tour and I sat playing with Andy's hand. "what do you think Cass?" I glanced to Andy as I realised I had zoned out pretty much their whole conversation "huh?" his brow raised as he scanned my face "is it ok if the guys come over? We just need to go over a few last minute details for tour" I nodded "sure. I'm going to grab a drink can I get you anything Lonny?" he smiled "water would be great" I nodded as I began to make my way to the kitchen.

"Are you sure you're ok babe" I jumped as I felt Andy's arms curl around my waist as I was grabbing a glass from the cabinet. "I think it's just suddenly hitting me that you start tour in three weeks" a look of confusion crossed his face "I think you mean we are starting tour in three weeks. You're my merch girl" he flashed a cheeky grin "remember" I smiled but it didn't last long "exactly" he still looked confused "I'm just nervous and anxious about the whole thing. It's stupid" I filled the glass with water and began to walk back out of the kitchen "hey wait" he grabbed my upper arm, gently turning me to face him, halting me in my steps "it's not stupid. It's ok to be nervous, this is all going to be new for you. But you will have me there with you. We're going to have a great time. I promise" I smiled and nodded. Walking back into the living room I passed the water to Lonny who thanked me. "You sure it's ok for the guys to come over" I nodded "sure babe. I'll be upstairs, sorting a few things out" he kissed me gently before I made my way to the back of the house and upstairs where I hid away for the rest of the evening.

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Sorry it's so short, next chapter should be up next week xx