Becoming Anne Again

Chapter Forty

After several hours and copious amounts of mouthwash, Anne finally felt it was safe to return home. Any faint buzz that she may have subsequently felt was gone, and the house of Green Gables was none the wiser.

But Anne knew, and she felt dirty. Years ago, she had promised to herself she would never touch it, after seeing one too many men and women lose control, and after tasting it and feeling her body somehow get away from her. She had so little control over her own life, she needed to cling to what she had. Shame burned through her, because how quickly did she give that up?

She didn't drink nearly enough to feel anything at all, and she comforted herself with that thought. But then she couldn't help but think of how Matthew would look, his disappointed gaze on her, and it made her feel dirty all over again. Still, she didn't say anything, and instead she did what only felt natural. She ran to Diana.

The chill settled into her bones as she walked down the road, her nose turning pink from the cold and the wind that whipped around her, light but still feeling like ice. The sky was that kind of cold blue, that was beautiful and soft yet unforgiving. In the background, she could hear the crash of the waves, perpetually crashing and retreating, in and out, in and out, in and out...

Diana's house looked as if it was plucked right out the American dream, complete with a picket fence, a garden in the summer made up of hardy plants that could survive the salty air, and a red door with a welcome mat. At first, the sight had caused a dull ache, but now she breezed through the gate, ringing the doorbell and struggling to even her breathing.

"Coming!" She could hear Diana yell, and she smiled lightly, her cheeks coloring pink for an entirely different reason than the cold. The door opened, and Diana squealed with delight, throwing her arms around Anne and holding her tight.

"I didn't know you were coming!"

"Sorry, I should have called. I just—I needed to see you." Anne's voice dropped to below a whisper, and she looked at Diana with a mixture of apprehension and longing, as if, after all this time, this was too good to be true, as if the other shoe was still going to drop.

Diana paused, her smile turning soft as she tugged Anne inside. "It's fine. Mom!" Diana yelled as Anne peeled off her shoes and her coat. "Anne's here!"

"Okay!" Mrs. Barry called back, sounding as if she were somewhere in the kitchen.

"Come on," Diana said, and she was once again tugging Anne towards her bedroom, and Anne willingly followed, until the two were sitting on the bed, thigh to thigh, a warm blanket wrapped around them to combat the cold. Except it wasn't so cold, and Anne felt warmer from Diana's body than from any piece of cloth, but it bound them together and that felt good.

"Is something wrong?" Diana asked, apprehensively touching Anne's cheek. Anne's breath caught, and her lips slightly parted as she looked at her raven-haired kindred spirit. Her mind suddenly felt fuzzy, and it was hard for her to form words or even remember the spirit of what she wanted to say. But still, she somehow managed to nod, and her head dropped to Diana's shoulder as she snuggled closer into her side. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know," Anne admitted, her face buried in the crook of Diana's neck. Diana could feel the moistness slip from Anne's eyes and dripping down her cheek, and she turned so she could fully embrace her friend, the side of Anne's head pressed against Diana's heart.