Alex Carter: A Red Band Society Fanfiction

Faking It

"I swear, I've never felt better," Emma said, forcing a smile that would fool anyone into thinking she was the happiest girl in the world. She was sitting in therapy, Lauren's advice playing over and over in her head. She had to stop being sick, stop being her, so everyone, including Leo, would be happy. 

"And your journal," her therapist continued. "I've noticed you've stopped writing down your calorie intake."

"Not completely," Emma said honestly, but then in an attempt to reassure the therapist, she said, "but it's not at intense as it used to be. Like, the other day, a bunch of us went out and we ate all this junk food. You know, chips, and hotdogs, and everything."

"And you participated?" Her therapist questioned. 

"It's been easier to participate lately," Emma said, not fully answering her question because she remembered what really happened that night after they had gotten back, and she was in the quiet of her own bathroom. 

"After you ate with everybody, how'd that make you feel?" 

She recalled throwing her dinner tray everywhere, and storming back into the bathroom, deciding that she would only feel calm if she got it all out of her system. It had felt as though the few chips she had eaten weren't digesting, but sitting in her otherwise empty stomach gathering dust, becoming a part of her. She felt so trapped by them, and the only way out was to get rid of them. But all she said was, "Great, I felt that I was really strong. Nobody's body is perfect," she added. "I mean, that's not the point. Our bodies are meant to function. Walking, lifting,  moving us through the world. That is what our bodies are actually for. And I am beginning to understand that it's not to be thin. Or to look a certain way. The most important thing is to be healthy. And to listen to your body." 

The therapist raised her eyebrows. "And when you have a setback?" 

Emma was prepared to lay it on thick, knowing her therapist was eating it up. They all love a success story. "What do you mean by setback?" 

"Emma when you first got here, you thought that if you ate something bad you were bad. You were a failure, you thought you were doomed." 

Emma swallowed back her tears. "Yes, and I've learned that that's not true. Food is not the enemy. It is a vital part of life, and we need it to stay alive."

The therapist finally popped the question. "Do you think you could sustain that kind of thinking if you were home?"

"Home?" Emma asked, slightly surprised. She had never considered that to be the outcome of her performance. "It's just uh, it's kind of impossible to believe that, to think that I'm actually well enough to go home," she managed to choke out. 

"Well the numbers don't lie," her therapist said. 

Yes, they do, Emma thought. 

"Your body temperature is almost normal, at 98.1. Your day time heart rate is in the 60s, and you're half a pound away from your goal weight. It's pretty impressive for a young lady who walked in here at 93 pounds." 

Emma wanted to scream, but she smiled instead, knowing it was what she was supposed to do. "So if the staff agree?" she asked. 

"Then you'll be packing your bags," she answered. "How does that make you feel, Emma?" 

"Great," she lied, "it makes me feel great." 

"Okay, I think we're done here." 

Emma left as quickly as possible, without bein rude, and texted Leo, asking if he wanted to meet up. 

They decided to take a walk outside, to enjoy the fresh air, and to pretend to be free. "You realize that by the end of the week, we could both be back home, sleeping in our own beds, getting our real lives back?" Leo said, the shock in his voice mirroring what she felt. 

"I know, it's all happening so quickly." 

"You're not psyched?" Leo questioned. 

"No, I am, I'm just still processing." It was hard for her to have to put on a show for Leo, the one person she thought she'd never have to lie to. "And I don't want to get my hopes up in case there's a chance that I don't get out," she added. 

"You will, we both will," Leo replied, in an attempt to reassure her. 

"You have a crystal ball?" she sassed. 

"I have a deluded sense of confidence," he replied. She could definitely agree with that. "My physical therapist says it's the secret to my success," he added. He stared at her, while she stared at anything but his face. "Hey, are you okay?" 

"Yeah," she said with too much enthusiasm.

"Are you sure? Then what aren't you telling me?" 

She had to hand it to Leo, apparently he saw her a little more clearly than she'd thought. But it was his 'deluded confidence' that stopped him from seeing that her recovery wasn't real. "Nothing," finally answered him. 

"Oh my gosh," he said, thinking he had it figured out. "Emma, we're not gonna break up just cuz we're leaving." 

Emma could have laughed. "I mean, it could happen," she said solemnly. 

"It's really not that far from LA to Bakersfield." He continued. "We're gonna figure it out. I promise." 

Emma just stared blankly at him as if she wasn't fully seeing him, as he wasn't fully seeing her. He pulled her into a hug, and she sighed.