Faking a smile

Pity

"Lauren.. We where wrong. We should have been there for you and we wasn't."

"It's okay cam I wouldn't have allowed you to be there for me" I admitted

The room fell silent for a few minutes as both of us where consumed by our own minds. I wondered if she was thinking about me, or, us. I wondered what she was thinking about in that beautiful mind of hers. I wondered why she was being so nice all of a sudden. I wondered why all the girls where being so nice to me all of a sudden. That's when it hit me. That's the moment when I realised. A day before the surprise day, I told Demi EVERYTHING. I confessed to her and I trusted her. She knew I wouldn't want her to say anything to anyone, but she did. This right here isn't love, it's pity. They're being nice to me because Demi told them all my story, that's why they didn't seem shocked when I told them a slight part of it. How could she go against me like that? How could all the girls pretend that what they did was out of love when really they where just feeling fucking sorry for me.

"Lauren?" Camila spoke gently, snapping me away from my thoughts

"No. Don't Lauren me. FUCK YOU. Fuck you and fuck Demi and fuck the rest of the girls. Fucking bitch. This I all an act! You just feel fucking sorry for me because I got raped at 8 years old and spent two months ruining myself with men that just wanted me to have sex with them. We'll you know what fuck you and fuck everything. I'm leaving." I growled and turned away from Camila's shocked and confused face. I ran from the kitchen and to upstairs. I kept running because I didn't want Camila to follow me. I Locked the door. Soon enough Camila came banging on my door, telling me to open it but by that time I had already packed my bag and put my shoes on.

I opened the door to be faced with Camila, I was expecting the others considering how loud she was banging and shouting. Her small frame tried to stop my from getting past but I pushed her and flung her into the banister that separated the drop for bottom floor to the top floor. She cried out in pain as her back hit the banister but I didn't care. I just saw red and I hated everyone In this moment of time. As I ran down the stairs practically jumping over steps, I unlocked the door and ran. I just ran. I didn't know where I was going but I was running. I arrived at the airport. All I wanted to do right now was go to California to my old best friend, Zoe.

My mom and Zoe's mom where bestfriends. They had the same starting as us. In a pure coincidence and luck, they both gave birth to us on the same day. Since both of them where in labour they demanded they be next to each other whilst if happened so that there babies can meet as soon as. I came out first and Zoe soon following only 3 minutes after. We was put into a bed, together. Ever since that moment we was inseparable. Our parents even lived together. Zoe's dad unfortunately killed himself when Zoe was 6 years old. Apart of his suicide note it said ' I did this because of Zoe, it Zoe's fault. Zoe's mom hated her for that. And of course my mom soon followed, hating how I stuck by Zoe. That's how everything was able to happen. Me and Zoe where hated by our parents, so they partially ignored and abandoned us. We moved into the same room, mine as it was a lot bigger. Our moms where always out all day from 7am till 2am the next morning. They'd get up, and we'd hear them. That was how we woke up or school. We got ourselves ready and walked to school together. When we got home, we would make tea, only something small like beans on toast, and stack our room room full of snacks and drink. We would then move my wardrobe to my door so that they couldn't get in. They never tried. That's how I was brought up. Lonely and hated by 3/4 members in my house. Zoe was there when I auditioned for x-factor. Zoe was there when I got bullied. Zoe was there the day I was raped. Zoe was there over the two months. Zoe's mom started to beat Zoe, by this age she was around 14. She was always being beaten in front of me and there was nothing I could do. Zoe cut herself. She couldn't deal with all the shit like I could because I was her only friend. I had xfactor at this time and it broke me to leave her knowing what was going on. One day, I decided to go home and see her, but she was not there. My family hugged me and greeted me but I ran straight to my room.

'I'm guessing you'll find this note sometime, we'll it was written 27th October. I had to leave. I've been saving up this money since I was 6 years old and it all started. I have a dream to move to California. That is what I have done. I want a better life for me. I can't keep living like you do anymore lauren. I hope you respect my decision and have fun becoming a pop star like you've always wanted. Bye love you, Zoe x' a note read and I flipped. The person that had been there for me since forever had given up and left me. I'd get daily texts at where I could find her, I still get them now but I never reply.

I brought the next ticket to California and flew straight there. No I didn't have much belongings, but I had almost everything. I was wearing clothes, phone, money,charger ,books, earphones. On the plane, I was itching with nerves. What if she slams the door I'm my face because I never replied to her texts ? What if she hates me? Where do I go then? I don't know why I do things sometimes.. I just don't think. I just do it. My anger soon calmed down and the realisation hit me. I had ran away from home,from work, from my bestfriends. I'm alone on a plane and I have no idea if I'm even going to have a place to stay. Wow. Guess what ? I fucked up AGAIN.