Sex Metal Barbie // lashton

chapter seventeen

"I don't understand how people can continue to show this group the-the love and support they do after finding out about the drummer's past, and even present."

Ashton sighed as he watched some gossip channel on his phone, watching as they dragged his name through the mud, his friend's, and even their fans. He scrolled through the comment section while listening to the couple's discourse over whether he was 'mentally stable' or 'fit to be a role model'. They were talking about him as if it was their call whether he got to stay in the music indistry or not. They were bringing up his mistakes as if he asked to be a role model to millions of people. All he wanted to do was make music.

"I just don't believe he's fit to be in the position of influence given his ex-boyfriend's solid case against him and the fact he even crumbled under his own pressure when he was eighteen when he was hospitalized for -"

He exited the video and then ripped his earbuds from his ears, catching Luke's attention from across the couch. "What?" The blond asked, clearly now more invested in him than whatever reality show he was previously watching.

"Nothing." He grumbled as he rested his cheek on his fist, his eyes watching as some man began breaking down a whole chicken with a butcher knife.

"Do you need a blowjob?"

Ashton rolled his eyes before looking at him, unable to stay upset when Luke had the cutest grin on his face and an unfiltered mouth that almost felt like a joke most of the time. He laughed at his question, wanting to take it as a joke instead of as the offer he knew that it was. He wasn't in the mood.

"No."

Luke tsk'ed. "A shame really. They fix everything." He continued before looking at the television.

"He's a pretty skilled chef." Ashton commented, wanting to forget the video he just watched and show interest in the things Luke likes the same way the blond did to him. "Especially skilled in butchering."

"Yeah," Luke said with a dreamy, clearly exaggerated sigh. "- total daddy too, huh?"

Ashton looked over at the television with his eyebrows raised and then back at Luke, who's head was resting on his palms and his elbows were digging into his thighs. "He's... crying?" Ashton asked as he saw the man wipe his eyes as he talked about something.

"A total top."

"Bottom. Switch at best." Ashton corrected as he watched him sauté and blend God knows what kind of vegetables.

"I'd let him cut me with that knife. He clearly knows how to use it." Luke continued running his stupid unfiltered mouth and Ashton sucked in a breath.

Oh no.

Oh God no.

He looked at Luke, watching as he seemed almost dazed with his eyes on the television. His lips were moving and Ashton's mind couldn't quite comprehend what he was saying as all the air was knocked from his lungs. Was he breathing? He honestly didn't know anymore. All he knew was that he could feel his skin prickle with goosebumps as he repeated in his head that Luke must be joking about wanting to be cut. That's a thing people do right? He sees it all the time, people joking and exaggerating just how much they love someone by claiming they could 'kick their throat in' or whatever.

"Hey, you alright there?" He heard and Ashton looked at the younger boy. "What happened?"

"I um... I zoned out thinking about some stuff I read on my Twitter." He lied as he pushed the curls from his face. "Sorry, love."

Luke smiled and then nodded before be rocked forward on to his feet and collapsed down on the couch right beside him - not even centimeters of space between them. The younger blond leaned into him before squeezing an arm behind his back to and another around his stomach to hold him, his head pressed against his shoulder as he looked to the television again. He didn't speak. He just held him close to him. The two were cuddled up like a pair of lovers.

What was that feeling deep within his gut? It felt warm, silly almost, kind of like he needed to prove himself worthy of his affection or like he needed to be everything he wanted. He wanted him to always come to him like this. He needed him to hold him like this, they way no one's ever held him before. He liked not having to beckon him or make the first move..

His lips tugged forward and he chuckled down at Luke before biting the inside of his lip. Ashton put an arm down to hold his waist and then he looked back to the show, deciding he couldn't watch it because all he can think about is whether or not Luke wants to actually have a knife against his skin. His excitement always twitched when he imagined that he truly meant it, and as much as he wanted to embrace the part of their... companionship where their clothes were on, he couldn't help the way his brain was wired.

"Did you mean it?" He asked before he could stop himself.

"Mean what, babe?" He asked and Ashton felt his stomach fall with anxiety as the words lay on the tip of his tongue.

"Y'know," he murmured. "- the knife thing?"

Luke chuckled almost nonchalantly as he looked to the ceiling. "With the chef? I'd never do it with him. I don't even know him, and I'd have to trust someone a hell of a lot during something like that. I don't want to die during sex."

"Do you trust me?" He immediately rushed before the subject could change or he could think twice about it.

Luke looked at him, shifting slightly to rest his chin on top of his chest. "Do you trust yourself?" He asked and Ashton's mouth was dry.

"Yes."

He lied. He'd never let someone like him hold his life in their hand. He knew it was wrong, and Luke's consent was invalid because of his untruthful words, but he couldn't stop himself. He wanted to be good enough for him. He wanted to believe he could be good enough for him.

"Then I trust you." He smiled as he laced their fingers together. "Why, do you have a knife kink? Is that your big bad secret?"

Ashton didn't answer him. Did he honestly have to?

"You're too cute." Luke closed his eyes as he smiled teasingly. "I'll be ready when you are. Just tell me when so I can wear clothes I don't care about... not that I've lived out of my own closet for the past few days. Your shirts just make me happier than my own."

He didn't deserve for Luke to want to be his.