Sex Metal Barbie // lashton

chapter fourteen

Luke set one hand on Ashton's chest and then set his knife down from his other on the counter top, not wanting to accidentally stab the man in front of him. "You're oddly quiet tonight. I quite miss your voice."

"I haven't got anything to say." The drummer dismissed as he watched the water run down the lid of his pot. He can smell the familiar scent of home and warmth, despite it being Luke's own recipe, and he was more than ready to eat actual food after laying on the couch all day watching movies with popcorn.

"I've been here the past three days and you haven't got anything to say?" He crossed his arms and Ashton scoffed at his arising attitude. "How about asking me out? Or taking me out? Or should I ask you out? Do you want me to take you out?"

"No."

"No what?"

Ashton rubbed his face and then sighed. "I'm not emotionally or mentally ready for anything serious." He told him. "Give me some time."

"You told me you wanted something from this. How could you want something but not be ready for it?" Luke asked him and Ashton felt his eye twitch with agitation. "You're leading me on, aren't you? You're playing me."

"I'm not -"

"- you don't want a relationship. You want a quick fuck buddy." Luke looked as if he pieced a puzzle together in his head. A wrong puzzle, with misunderstood pieces that spoke a completely different story than the truth.

He hates how his words and actions can have have two different meanings between them. Luke's so difficult to get to.

"I'm not leading you on -"

"- how can you say that when you tell me one thing but then turn your back and say something different?" Luke interrupted and Ashton closed his eyes. "Do you want me? Not just physically... but emotionally? Mentally? Am I wasting my time here?"

Ashton's fingers tightened around the edge of his counter, and a silence fell inside his kitchen. He didn't know how to respond. He probably wouldn't believe him if he answered honestly, but he didn't want to be anything but truthful to him. He didn't want to lie. It was possibly the worst thing he could do right now if he expected him to be in his future.

"Ash?"

The click of the burner on his stove pulled him from his thoughts and he looked into the blond's messy eyes. He couldn't answer him straight on, so he spoke in defense. "It's the same way you ask me to 'do what I like'. You want it, but you're not ready for it."

"This has nothing to do with sex. In fact, what I want is the complete opposite of constant, unemotional sex." Luke crossed his arms and Ashton approached him. "I want a relationship."

"I'm sorry. I'm still recovering from my last -"

"- are you, or do you just not want to be with me? There's a difference, you know." Luke interjected. "The past doesn't dictate the future."

"I beg to differ." Ashton disagrees as he stood in front of him. "The past paves the way."

"I was a straight A student and now I am a college drop out. The past doesn't control shit." Luke snapped at him. "Don't blame your past for not wanting a future with someone, and don't act like the present isn't what makes your future."

"I want a relationship with you, but I can't handle it." Ashton repeated. "I'm not okay right now. Don't you understand?"

"I can help you -"

"- my mental health shouldn't be your issue -"

"- you're so scared of being hurt... can't you see that I'd never hurt you?" He asked. "I'd never put you in the predicament your ex did. I'd never lie like that about you, and I would never release private information about you."

Ashton set his hand on the counter beside Luke's hip, and he could feel his composure falling the further and further the younger man ran his mouth. He's supposed to trust him just because he hasn't done anything wrong. But doesn't he get it? He doesn't trust anyone. He's scarred. He doesn't owe him trust.

"It's not about my ex boyfriends and girlfriends. I don't care if you leak text messages or photos or if you tell the world I hit you. I don't care about any of that."

"Then why can't you just let me in?" He asked as Ashton pushed his forehead against Luke's shoulder. "Why can't you let me help you?"

"I'm scared."

"What?" Luke asked. "I didn't hear you. You're mumbling."

"I'm scared." He repeated, this time with a louder voice.

"Of what if not betrayal?" He pushed and Ashton tensed as he felt Luke wrap his arms around him. He couldn't tell of he was on the edge because of his embrace or if he wanted to relax, but he knew he liked it.

"I'm scared of hurting you." He finally admitted. "I'm scared of myself. There are things about me that make it hard for me to get close to people and let people in. I can't do it sometimes."

"What can I do to show you that I'll be okay?" He asked and Ashton looked up at him. "I can take it. I can handle it. I'm a big boy."

"You shouldn't have to. It's not fair."

"Let me take care of myself." Luke told him and Ashton nodded. "Don't worry about me. I can look after myself."

"I'm sorry. I know you want something serious and I can try but I don't want to get anyone's hopes up. My wounds are fresh." Ashton let go of the blond.

"Don't..." He murmured and then pulled him close again. "I like the weight of your body on mine."

Ashton grinned and then nodded as he felt Luke bury his face into his neck. "I'm sorry I'm so pushy. I just... I'm tired of being used and then tossed away. I guess we could be worse. You could kick me out after we sleep together and ignore my texts."

"I would never."

"I know." Luke set his chin on his shoulder as he blinked away his tears. "I know."

They've had sex, but this is probably the most intimate they've ever been with one another and it scared Ashton to know it's only going to dig deeper into him the longer they danced the way they were. Was he ready? No. Was he going to stop? Hell no.