Under the Moonlight

Suicidal Mission

I feel so stone cold, literally...

I've been lying here for quite a time and I know it's deadly yet I choose to stay. It's so funny how much I fear this situation yet I'm doing nothing to get out of it.

Cold, so cold...

Like how cold Olaf's body is, like being engulfed by a solid eating snowman. Like being imprisoned of a cold magic, an ice.

Right. No such thing is cold as an ice except this freezing heart of mine. Literally. It's freezing.

Oh yeah. I'm stuck in a blizzard and as much as I love the snow that is falling, I laid down.

You may think that I am suicidal but I am really not. Because it was just an accident when I laid back, yet I felt the necessity of being on the ice for long.

And I enjoyed something for the first time being in this world. I enjoyed my first's happiness for the last time.

I was thinking everything about my life, I was...

was...

And I suddenly realize that...

I ought to close my eyes at this very moment but a figure came close to me and as late as it is, I want my eyes to stay wide open out of curiosity. So funny to think that I invited the death to come, yet by just a blurry trick of light, the courage of living came back to me.

Yet, it was... too late...

***

BUT, was it?

Is it really too late?

The question came out of nowhere, as soon as I opened my eyes.

I opened my eyes...

Wait, I opened my eyes? That was not supposed to happen...

But I did opened my eyes and I am roaming my sight, wondering to where I was.

And that blurry figure came again with something in his hands. His, is it a boy?

Yes. A boy my age saved me from my own desired demise.

"Are you alright?" I stared at him, unable to say a thing.

I was supposed to be dead but here I am lying on the bed's warm comfort. I am alive...

"Hey, why are you crying?" I once again gazed at him.

Am I supposed to thank you for your kindness of saving me? Or get angry to that kindness that ruined my unplanned plan? Or just be neutral with it?

"It's okay, you're safe now. No need to cry..." He seems to be in panic seeing me crying more. But heck, I don't know why I'm crying this hard yet I cannot help myself with it.

"N-no... Please leave me alone." I looked away from him. I don't want anyone seeing me cry.

"Oh, okay. J-just eat your meal, I'll leave it on the table. Uhh, I'll get... going." I heard the door closed, a sign for me to weep more.

***

I groaned when I felt a very bright light shining on my face. I slowly opened my eyes, when I heared a phone suddenly rings.

Wait, the ringtone is so familiar. It was my ringtone!

I searched for the sound immediately. When I finally found it, the caller stopped calling already and a message just came in.

_______
From: Mama

I'm sorry to break this to you sweetheart, but the arrangements are already fixed. You need to come home so we can talk.
_______

I sigh. Just then, a message came again. But this time, it's from my manager. I've got a manager because I'm a part time model and an actress. Part time because I'm just 18 and I'm still studying.

_______
From: Manager Jelly

Xylie, you need to come back. You can't run away the press forever.
_______

I am about to turn off my phone when ANOTHER message came AGAIN for the third time around.

_______
From: BFF Clarisse

You idiot! You just can't run away your responsibilities here in the university and leave it to me, the Dean is angry. You should thank me that I still love you even of how much of a bitch you are. Please come home, we're all worried for you.
_______

I smiled after I read her text. She just can't help herself but curse when she's nervous.

I tapped some buttons and made a call for her. I just can't let her worry for nothing of me. I'm still breathing though. After the second ring, she picked up the phone.

"XYLIE!" I smiled again, just by hearing her voice.

"I hate you! You just left without me idiot, how can you do that to me?!" And there, she started to cry and talk at the same time, which I laughed to.

"You're such a crybaby, Clarissa. Stop that will you? I almost got frozen to death but I'm okay, no need to be worried of me."

"Stop calling me Clarissa, you freak, my name's Clarisse. But wait, y-you what?! Where are you Lie? I'll come pick you up if you want or I'll call Aunt Xiara, they're worried for you. There'stheblizzardand-"

"Hey, hey, hey Clarisse. Slow down, I want you to do nothing. I just called to ensure you that I'm safe and I can't tell you more. Bye."

"Xyl-"

I pressed the end call button before she could say more. I turned off my phone immediately and in my ire, threw the phone at the door, making a loud thud.

I can't help but cry more. I just want to disappear in this seemingly unfair world. And that's when my eyes unexpectedly landed on the breakfast that was on the bedside table. I'm not really into suiciding, but unexpected things just won't stop until they get the worst outcome out of someone.

And so with trembling hand, I slowly reach for the knife that was with the spoon and fork. I stared at it for a few moments before making a slice on my pale skin, just along the visible veins in my left wrist. It was painful but when the pain subsided, it's overwhelming. It's a good feeling though.

I heard a few knocks from the door and a few noises but I paid no attention for it. I was just so into the good feeling of cutting my own skin that I can't make it wait for just those nonsense knocks and noises. And because of that, I slice my skin a several more. And then, on the right wrist too.

My breathe became ragged after a few moments and it was becoming harder minute after minute. My vision suddenly became blurry and... drifting to sleep seems like a good option to choose.

*BAM*

From my wrist, my gaze diverted at the opening door that made a loud bam, maybe due to some big force exerted on it than the usual force that should be exerted on it. Maybe the one who's behind the door is such on a hurry that he/she couldn't care more for the big force he/she had exerted on it.

And as if in synchronized motion, the footsteps of someone in the room and me feeling of falling out of my balance of being seated on the bed happened at the same time. But then, something prevented my body from meeting the soft comfort of the bed's clothing, someone's hands.

"Xylie..." I stared at my savior's face. How did he know my name? Who is he? Why is he doing this? Why did he save me yesterday?

"W-who are... you?" Out of those questions, only one went out of my mouth. He's just staring at me, as if thinking how to say a word. But it was not what caught my attention, the tears falling from his eyes down to my face did.

"Don't die, Xylie. I'm willing to be used just for you. I can be your armor at times when pain is intolerable. I'm ready to marry you if it's the only way I can help you. Just... d-don't die, please..."

My lips parted at what I heard. So, he was the guy mom was telling me? But, why would he be willing to give up his single status just for our family problem?

"I---"

The words was left hanging on the air when I felt the dizziness pulling me out of consciousness...