Rented

Chapter 28

Kisses are pressed to my shoulders, arm and neck. I smile in my half asleep state until the memories start flooding in. Adam coming here, telling me he would tell everyone about Harry's job, warning me to stay away for his sake.

No!

I flinch away from Harry's lips as if a bowl of cold water had been dropped on me. I sit up and look back at the laying boy over my shoulder. His expression shows confusion, mouth parted and eyes hurt. I feel a strong urge to reach over and kiss the pout out of his face and apologize for being so cold but I can't. I'm doing what is right. I get up and head into my closet putting on a long, silk robe to cover myself from him since I'm still wearing his shirt from last night. When I step out he's sitting up on the bed, waiting for me with a nervous look on his face. His hands are folded on his lap and creases have formed on his forehead from frowning.

Keeping a blank expression is harder than I thought but I think it is working because when Harry sees me he looks even more disoriented. I see him open his mouth but before he has a chance to say something I  rebuke "You should go home" before crossing my arms.

Harry blinks in disbelief "what- how" he stutters incoherently, too surprised to make sense. He folds his lips, takes in a deep breath and when his eyes re open he looks more determined.

"Did I do something wrong?" He stands up and starts walking towards me and I have to step back because if he's too close it will make this all harder.

"Don't play dumb, we both know what you did." I spit, forcing every spiteful word out of my mouth.

Harry scratches the stubble on his cheek in thought until his eyes widen with realization and then smolder.

"You mean what happened at the party? Because I swear I didn't mean to push Louis, he's my bloody best mate!" He grits his teeth and I know I'm getting to him. "I just wasn't thinking-" he continues but I interject.

"That's exactly the problem, you weren't thinking! What if that was me trying to hold you back? Or if you were mad at me, huh?" My eyebrow arches in an accusing way and I can visibly see the sting of my words in his paling face. He stumbles back as if I he had been pushed, like my words physically hurt him.

Harry begins to shake his head, his chest is heaving as he pants.

"You know I would never do that to you" his voice is so small, so broken it kills me.

"Why? What makes you so sure?" I raise my voice to hide the emotion in my eyes. The pain this is causing me.

"Because I-"

He raises his hands but before he can finish his words I interfere. "You what?"

I have to stop him because if he keeps going it will break my faced.

Harry drops his hands by his sides defeatedly, his shoulders slump and I can tell he's giving up. Good. I can't take this much longer. I feel like any moment now I will crumble and begin to sob because I'm pushing away the love of my life and he never even knew it.

"Never mind" he sighs, one hand pushing his hair back as his eyes leave mine and stare at the floor instead.

"I know you deserve better, I acted like a caveman but I swear I will live every moment proving to you my intentions, that you can trust me and that I won't let anything harm you because-" I can't hold back the tears that start running down my face so I lift a hand to stop him before I have to hear more and feel worse.

"Don't make this harder than it needs to be" I beg in a whisper. It's all I can muster when I feel like my life has been taken away from me.

Harry's mouth agapes and he looks as if he's given up but he looks at my tears and his face changes to a determined look.

Stepping forward he does not hesitate to wipe my tears with both hands. "I won't leave without fighting for you" he rasps full of conviction.

I know that he means this and the thought scares me. I feel as though two more seconds of him persisting and looking at me so vulnerable and I will loose it so with a deep inhale I yell "Get out! I don't want to see you anymore!"

My voice echoes through the room. With every violent scream that scratches my throat my body shakes. I suspect my face is red as I feel myself grow hot.

Harry flinches away before he gives me one last look and slogs out. His eyes were glossy when they met mine and I had to hold my breath until I heard the door lock, signaling he was gone. Not a second after I fall on the floor and start bawling. Not small, quiet tears but fat tears and loud sobs. I hated yelling at him but if I didn't I'm positive he wouldn't have left.

I hate Adam and I hate myself for getting involved with someone, for falling in love when I know good things will never happen to me. I hate the way my words probably left a mark on him and I hate the look on his face when I told him I didn't want to see him anymore. Most of all though, I hate myself for hurting him.

If I didn't push him away though, it would hurt him much more and I couldn't live with myself if I costed him his freedom, his reputation for ny selfish wants.

I don't know how long I cry. I just know the tears that are falling are silent now because my voice is gone and I feel my throat ache from sobbing. My body's numb but I refuse to stand up from my sitting position on the floor where I dropped, my knees bent and touching my chest as I hug my legs.

The room gets darker as it turns to night, no more light from the windows to shine in and illuminate the darkness but I stay put. I want it to be dark, it reflects what I feel inside.

At some point I drag myself to bed, not even taking one bite of food for the whole day and throw myself on the bed. As I begin to drift I remember I'm wearing Harry's shirt, the one he wore last night when he came looking for me. I take off the robe and throw it behind me before curling myself into a ball and hugging myself and his scent hits me. A million memories start flashing my mind.

The first time we met when he covered my eyes and told me to guess who it was, the first time we slept on a bed together, him picking me up when I sprained my ankle, our first kiss at the bar. Swimming in our underwear, the first time I realized I loved him. Even if he never loves me back, I will always love him.

Harry has taught me so much. He has made me  realize it is okay to let loose sometimes, to be myself, to be imperfect. He has brought me out of my shell and made me feel beautiful, worthy even. He has given me experiences I never had before. He's shown me pleasure like no one before.

I grab a piece of the fabric and pull it to my nose, with a big whiff, closing my eyes and imagining that he's here. It's the only way I fall asleep.

-Phew, anyone else crying? Let me know how you feel about this. Do you think Amelia made the right choice?