Feeling

Chapter 29 - Hospital

I’ve had my operation. The rest of my week went by as normal. I spoke to Richard like we were just friends, and I didn’t meet up with him. Dad is still coming round this afternoon, and is meeting me here in hospital. Richard won’t be able to stay round now, but he has said to me that he won’t stay in Canada much longer, as his mum wants him to go back home.

I thought Richard was going to give me another chance, but I think it is really too late, as he is not going to move out here, and if he is leaving before all of my operations are done, it is unlikely that I will get the chance I wanted.

I send a text to Dad, after phoning a taxi company to pick him up to take him to my house. “Hey Dad, Taxi company will wait for you by south exit, they’ll take you to mine, once you’re settled in, come to hospital to see me x”

I put my phone down on the table next to my hospital bed, as my doctor walks in to see me.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, flicking through the pages on his clipboard.

“Fine, thanks, what is gonna happen now?”

“Well your operation went perfectly, we have managed to remove the liquid, or drug you might call it, that was preventing the feeling in your leg. Your next operation will be a motion of simply moving or replacing some of the tendons in your hip, and rearranging structures…” The doctor carried on telling me the horrific variety of things he will be doing to my hip for some time before coming to a conclusion, “after that operation you’ll be able to start a therapy which will help you to walk again, however you will need a third and final operation on your lower spine.”

My lower spine? I sit confused for a moment before he leans in and looks at me. “Why?” I ask him.

“Where you have been sat in the wheelchair your spine has changed shape and your tail bone has curled up. It may not be a case of an operation, but just a brace however we will need to operate to see what the problem is, as our X-Rays are not so reliable.”

So basically the doctor carries on telling me about the final operation which is basically going to be just them looking, but I cannot have this done until I am walking again, so it could take a long time. The doctor arranges my next operation for Monday afternoon. The doctor leaves the room and my phone vibrates. I look at the screen. ‘Text Message From Richard.’

“Hi. I hope your operation went well, tomorrow I’ll come and visit in hospital. I know you’re going through a lot right now, so last night I was on the phone to my mum and I told her about you, and she said I could stay here until you are better, isn’t that great :D xx”

I look at the text with a tear of joy in my eye, suddenly I have an idea to make my plans work faster, I reply to him. “Operation was fine, I know you said we could wait to go out until I’m better but… what if I don’t get better x” hopefully guilt trip will help, but it rather backfired.

He replied to me, “Well, we’ll just have to be really good friends then J xxxxxxx”

I ignore his dumb inconsiderate text and throw my phone onto the table top beside me. Dad comes in. “Hey sweetie” he says, with a tease in his voice and he comes over and kisses me on the forehead.

“Hiya dad” I say back, smiling and rubbing my forehead where he left the kiss.

“I brought something that you left back in England, couldn’t believe you didn’t pack it, and found it on the floor under where your mirror used to be” Dad pulls out the photograph that I taped to my bedroom mirror just after mum died. It’s the photo of mum holding me after she adopted me, and in her other hand she’s holding the sign that reads ‘you’re more special than the others. We got to CHOOSE you.” I remembered the night I found that picture. I had taped it to the corner of my mirror just after Christmas, the Christmas we weren’t really there for. I cannot believe it’s been nearly a year since my mum went. So much has changed.

Back then I was almost with Ben. And in a way I thought that was love but it wasn’t. What I have with Richard is love. Well, I think.

I take the photo from dad and slide it underneath my phone. He leans in to me, “So this is actually happening then?”

“What is?” I say to him

“I’m gonna have my little girl back to normal?”

I laugh at him, “Dad I am normal” I smile at him and twiddle my fingers, he looks down then back up at me with tears in his eyes.

“Honey, you aren’t normal, if you were normal then you’d be able to reach the top cupboards in the kitchen, you’d be able to feel the softness of the couch when you sit on it, you would be able to have children”

“Dad I’m gonna be able to do all those things” His words hurt me, as they always do, but I stay optimistic and look ahead rather than behind me.

“I know, finally” He laughs and slaps my knee

“Ouch!” I welp. I felt it. I felt the stinging connection of his hand to my knee through the sheets of my white hospital bed. He looks at me with bright eyes. “dad I felt that” My dad starts crying with tears of joy and I cry too, he sits on the side of my bed and puts both his hands on my legs. I scream with joy “Dad I can feel you on my legs! I can feel it! I can feel it!”