Feeling

Chapter 19 - Obsession

the next couple weeks I spent most of my time with Richard. He even ditched his girlfriend to be with me after school, he'd never stay for long, but every second with him counted. We mucked about every day and as soon as he left I'd text him. It would only ever be innocent, he's too good to cheat on his girlfriend, but whenever he spoke to me I felt like I wasn't on earth anymore, like he'd taken me away and it was just the two of us.

Richard and I were often interrupted by my dad, I think he was a bit confused about our relationship.

I constantly texted him until one Friday when I was approached by his gorgeous superstar of a girlfriend and she looked at me like mud. She told me to stop texting him because he's hers, and not mine. Without either of us saying another word she turned around swiftly flicking her hair, and walked dramatically away from me.

Forced by nature I agreed with her and had to stop texting him. The first night I sat around just trying to distract myself, the second and third night I felt I was getting better but after a week I realised that phasing him out just wasn't an option.

I knew I had to give him up, but part of me just hoped that he would leave her to be with me. As much as I tried I didn't want to give up on him. He meant so much to me and I just couldn't let go of that so easily.

Being me things only managed to get worse. The more I ignored him the more miserable I felt, as soon as I text him I knew he wouldn't reply, and if he did it would be blunt, and probably from his girlfriend.

Also during this time my dad was spending a lot of time with Richards mum. Dad seemed a lot happier and at least that managed to make me smile. He was going out to lunch with her fairly often, and she's a lot nicer than Natalie. She's got pretty blue eyes, and short spikey dark blonde hair. It's clear she dyes it, but seems nice.

Every night I'd stare at my phone hoping for a message from him, I even went on Facebook and looked through his profile. It was strange looking at his past which I had no idea about. He seemed to have a lot of fairly attractive friends, all around my age some were 17 or 18.

I looked through his pictures and saw a lot of drunk photos, they made me see him differently but it didn't change how I felt. I noticed that a lot of girls did the 'like for a rate' and they all rated him with high numbers and calling him 'hot' or 'fit'. His Facebook looked a lot more shallow than he was in person. Although, if he wasn't shallow then he probably would go out with me and not the dumb blonde.

I couldn't blame him for dating someone attractive though. What boy wouldn't want a pretty girlfriend. The more I looked at pictures of him and Christina together the worse I felt about myself. Even if I wasn't in a wheelchair I probably still wouldn't stand a chance.

Richard came over to me at Uni a while after I started ignoring him. He offered to buy me lunch and took me to the grass area behind one of the buildings after we'd eaten. He sat down on the grass in front of me and looked up.

"I know why you're ignoring me"

I wondered if Christina had told him or not.

"Why then?" I replied bluntly, hoping he didn't notice it was hurting.

"You like me"

I looked down and back up at him. I started to tear up. I didn't want to cry, I was feeling a little over emotional and I didn't want him to see me like this. I whispered "yeah, that's why." I looked back down at the floor and hooked my hands to my wheels and went away as fast as I could away from him without looking back.

I didn't want him to follow me so I went to the toilets. Once I was inside I let out the tears. I had no idea why I had become so attached to him and why he made me feel the way I do. I wished he knew that me liking him wasn't the reason I was ignoring him.

I knew things would only get worse, but surely I deserved some kind of luck. My feelings can't be that unimportant.