DRV3 Oumasai Oneshots

Looking Back

Angst

I've been thinking a lot lately, about what I could have done differently. Looking back in it, I made so many mistakes, missed so much. But the biggest thing I did wrong was how I treated you.

I was scared. We all were. Who wouldn't be, in that situation? I know that's no excuse for how we treated you, but it is the truth. We were scared, wanting to trust each other but wary of being betrayed. Being a detective, I knew from experience that even the best people would do bad for the right reason, so I was always on the lookout for a knife in the back. And then you came along, telling your lies and saying how much you loved the killing game. You made a convenient target for our mistrust and fear. We didn't want to suspect our friends, but you, who so often provoked us, it was safe to suspect you, to think you were our enemy, or so we decided. Kaito's actions during the fourth trial made that obvious.

It is only now that I see you did it on purpose. We all were skeptical of your title. We thought you had to be lying. It seemed so far fetched, a secret organization with over ten thousand members. While that part wasn't true, you were most definitely deserving of the title Ultimate Supreme Leader. You helped hold us together. You gave us a common enemy we could fight, something to unite us and distract us from the game. And through it all, through the anger and hate we threw your way, you still tried to help us escape.

It's tempting to say that we had no choice, that the way we acted was scripted from the start. And yes, to some extent that is true. Even your sacrifice and the trial afterward was scripted, after all, they had an execution ready for Kaito. Still, if we truly had no free will, then things wouldn't have ended like they did. We wouldn't have been able to end the cycle of death. I keep wondering, why didn't the plot derail sooner, why only at the end were we able to choose? I don't have an answer, but the point is, we should have chosen to be your friend. On some level, we had the ability to choose, and yet we were weak and went with the easy route. We chose to hate you.

Would things have been different if we had listened to you more? Before anyone else, you knew, or at least strongly suspected, that we were being watched. If we had listened to you, would we have figured out we were being manipulated? Would less people have died?

I wish I could tell you all this in person. I wish I could tell you how sorry I am. It fills me with sorrow, knowing that you died believing no one would cry over your death. It hurts to realize that underneath your selfish exterior was someone who was kind and understanding and brave. If I could take it all back, I would. But I can't. All I can do is try to learn from my mistakes. Nonetheless, wherever you might be, I wish you well.

Shuichi Saihara

Shuichi folded the letter in half, then folded it in half again and placed it in his pocket. He was going to their graves today. He had a bouquet of twelve flowers ready, white roses to be exact.

 Shuichi went the the cemetery, and placed a rose on each grave. His friends bodies weren't even here, they had been thrown away like common trash during the game. The graves were more monuments to Danganronpa than anything else. It was cruelly ironic, considering the game was why his friends were dead in the first place.

Shuichi placed the letter on Kokichi's grave and left.

That night, Shuichi dreamed. The world around him as empty and white. In front of him Kokichi stood with an unreadable expression.

"Kokichi?" Shuichi asked disbelievingly.

"I got your letter."

"You read it?"

Kokichi nodded. "Why did you leave it there?"

"I... I wanted to tell you how I felt and apologize, but that wasn't possible, so I wrote the letter instead."

"Liar."

"Huh?" Shuichi looked surprised.

"That letter was no more for me than that grave without a body. They were just things you made to make you feel better. If you truly wanted to apologize, you would have said your realizations and regrets at the grave. Instead, you wrote a letter from the comfort of your own home and left it on the grave, like you were severing it from yourself. Did you think you would get some kind of redemption for this? Did you really think I would forgive you?"

"Kokichi-"

"Shut up!" Kokichi's face was calm, but anger clearly shone in his eyes. "I'm dead, Shuichi. I'm gone, and I'm never coming back. My entire life was rejection and pain, but in the end, I died because of you."

"What?" Shuichi gasped.

"YOU MORON, I LOVED YOU!" Kokichi yelled, tears accompanying the anger in his eyes, though they did not fall. "Everyone else's hate stung, but your's hurt most of all. I thought that you, of all people, would be able to understand me. But you acted just like everyone else. Do you remember what you said to me after the fourth trial? You said, 'You're alone Kokichi, and you always will be.' It wasn't a coincidence that right after you said that I put my plan into action, my plan to die to end the killing game. I wasn't lying before when I said I wanted to live, but your comment was the straw that broke the camel's back. It was you. You were the one that made me want to die!"

Tears were streaming down Shuichi's face. He started to reach out to Kokichi, but let his hand drop back down to his side. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"Sorry doesn't fix anything." Kokichi took a deep breath and seemed to regain himself. "You know what, I don't have to deal with this. I don't even know why I came here in the first place. Have a nice life, Shuichi. I won't be there to see it." He walked off, disappearing into the nothingness. He never looked back.

Shuichi woke up, tears on his face. "I'm sorry," he whispered again.

But Kokichi didn't hear him.