The Coalition of Sierra J. Rubenstein

Liberation Part IV: Abuse?

    This chapter takes place around late February to early March. I do not have the date to verify when Sierra went to the hospital. What I am about to depict is what I deem to be the worst physical harm she had done to me. After all the hitting, throwing objects, rough housing gone wrong, and kicks to the groin...this was the worst pain. It was one of our ordinary days of Salisbury. I was home from class and had no practice that day. I was ahead of my classwork, so I was relaxing on the futon streaming cable when Sierra came home. She of course came in with a bad attitude as evidence from her coming home late, slamming our door, and glaring at me as she sat down on the futon with me. Sierra started spouting off about her bad day and how upset she was for me not doing any chores around the apartment, even though it was her turn for the chores. I said something smart to Sierra and started laughing. I know I did not insult Sierra, but I can not remember those parts of the conversation. I remember Sierra smiling at me as she crawled closer to me on the futon. She started to put her hand under my shorts. Sierra started rubbing my dick for a little as I began thinking to myself how Sierra was finally initiating sex for once. As quickly as it started, Sierra snatched the entirety of my scrotum in her hand. She was firmly squeezing and digging her nails into my scrotum. I yelped out in pain for her to stop hurting me. Sierra continued digging her nails deeper as she responded, "you deserve this, you frustrate me"! I asked three more times for Sierra to let me go, but to no avail. I reached up and clasped both of my hands on her forearm squeezing and trying to pull her arm off. As I started pulling, Sierra tightened her grip on me and began twisting my scrotum. Sierra responded, "You should know by now the more you fight it the harder the grip gets". I might not have stated this before, but our rough housing situations that went wrong normally had Sierra grabbing ahold of a sensitive part of my body and placing a death grip on it. Every time I would struggle it would get worse and she would say that statement. This was the first time she managed to get a good grip on my scrotum. I eventually stopped trying to resist because of the amount of pain I was in. When I let her go, she began laughing. She fucking thought this was fucking funny. I was almost brought to tears from the pain. The harder she was twisting, the more bloodier my face became. I was losing the ability to speak from Sierra. She continued twisting my scrotum while reiterating, "you deserve this for frustrating me". The anger building up in me was beginning to blind me. I clenched my fists as my brain was telling me to punch her off of me, but I restrained myself out of fear from me not wanting to let up on whaling on her. My brain then started telling me to reach out and grab her by the throat just to try and get her off. I did not want to strangle Sierra. Before I could let my anger consume me, I closed my eyes and began thinking peaceful thoughts to calm me down. It was about five seconds in when something in my nervous system snapped. My eyes shot open, my arms rapped completely around Sierra's arm, then my forearms and biceps began flexing. My body had completely reacted and locked up on me. I was practically straddling her arm with my body. I went numb throughout my body as I tensed up and squeezed her body. Sierra's arm let out two quick pops. My body squeezed so hard that I dislocated her elbow from her arm and replaced it (or relocated it. Not sure of the proper term for that). Sierra yanks her arm loose as she cried out in pain. My muscles slowly un-contracted and regained feeling. The agonizing pain from my scrotum hit me again as I grabbed my crotch. I know I had no control over how my body reacted to the pain, but I felt so bad for hurting Sierra. I said, "I'm sorry, but why did you not let go why I asked you all those times"?
Sierra responded back, "I can't feel my arm, I can move it".
She said this as Sierra moved her arm and complained about the pain. I angrily called her out for be making what I did a serious deal, that was before I knew what I did to her. She demanded to go to the hospital and wanted me to take her. I was still mad at her and was growing more pissed when she kept dodging my question. It was getting late in the next morning I had my biology lab at six. I was suppose to me in bed by now so I could get enough sleep. I had no idea this happened over a long period of time. Like a dick, I made Sierra drive to the hospital by herself. I kept on apologizing to Sierra before she left, she kept saying she was fine every time I apologized. When she left, I walked into the kitchen to grab a paper towel to check on what damage I had. I wiped in one clean motion to find two little droplets of blood on the paper towel. I washed myself with soap and water to clean the two airs with mild bleeding. Sierra left indentations in me, so I knew it would heal quickly. I took a cold bottle of water and held it between my legs to easy the pain in my scrotum. I laid on the futon all night waiting for Sierra to comeback. I felt so bad for what happened. I know I had no control over how my body reacted, but if I did...I would have punched her. I had no control over my body locking up. Looking back on how miserable I felt for hurting Sierra, it was just stupid for me to feel that way. Sierra was the one with intent to harm me, I was trying to find ways to get her off. It is not in my nature to want and hurt someone physically, but I could not get over what I did. Sierra never came back home that night from the hospital. I never saw her until the next night. Sierra was never seen until three in the morning. She decided after leaving the hospital to just go into work since sh got out and hour before she needed to go in. When I saw Sierra again, she had a sling for her arm. She had to use it for about two days just to keep her from over using it. Sierra told me that I dislocated her elbow, but put it back in place. She showed me on the report that the doctor said her arm was hyperextended and not dislocated. I am pointing this out because a few days later when she had her sling off, we got into another fight. Sierra was again taking her anger out on me verbally and not physically this time. She became so upset with my lack of engaging in the fight that she brought up me hurting her that night. Sierra threatened me by saying she was going to the police and charge me with assault for dislocating her elbow. Sierra bragged about showing the report from the hospital as evidence. I explained to her that the report did not say anything about a dislocation and how she was the one harming me. Sierra admitted to doing everything to me, but she stated that no one would believe me over her. That chilled me when she said that. I was thinking that I may need to get out of this relationship at this point. The sad truth on this matter is how this was not the first time she threaten to report me to the police. When she moved into my parents home, Sierra accused me of rape (because I would not sleep with her), assault (for elbowing her in the nose for tickling me too much), and domestic abuse (for making her feel bad after she did something wrong).