The Coalition of Sierra J. Rubenstein

Liberation Part III: Date Night and Better Sex

Sierra and I went on an initiative to finding a couple to be friends with in Salisbury. Sierra told me that her coworker Jordan was interested in a double date with her boyfriend. We quickly decided to schedule a date. For some reason, we all decided to go out at Buffalo Wild Wings. We went there during an Eagles playoff game, I remembered this because the place was packed full of Eagles fans. When Sierra and I arrived at the restaurant, we sat and waited with Jordan and Mark for our table. They did not talk much as we sat there, so I felt obligated to start talking about funny things with me and Sierra. I am socially awkward, I should not be the social one in our group. I shared some of the goofy times to lighten up Jordan and Mark. Sierra follows up with talking about a small fight or disagreement we had not too long ago. When she was done talking about it, Sierra started rubbing my knee and saying out loud "–but I have to love him". I was clenching my teeth and cringing through the whole story, but now she's chuckling at her bizarre statement like it was cute and charming for her to say. During this, I am watching Jordan and Mark's faces react in an uncomfortable manor. I was thinking back on how I was getting the impression that Sierra wants people to not like me, so she keeps trying to win attention by belittling me. Maybe she knew I was going to talk with her after the date, possibly. Anyway, I was released to hear our table was ready. I thought if I could get food in Sierra's mouth, she would not keep saying anything off putting. We actually all got along with each other after that uncomfortable beginning. Mark and I ordered some spicy wings and had a laugh about me not being able to handle the really spicy ones. Even handled the Eagles fans well on our date. Unsuspectingly to Mark and I, Sierra convinced Jordan to go out for beauty supplies at Ulta. I was told when we first got in the car. I was not able to talk with her about that comment she made. Matter of fact, if I did not forget to say anything that night...I might have prevented the other few times that followed. It would happen again after some of our small disputes. Sierra would sit in a curled up position on the futon mumbling to herself, "I have to love him", over and over again. One time I interrupted her to ask if she was alright. She had no recollection of saying any of that. I was freaking out watching and seeing this happen in front of me. Returning back to the date, Sierra rushed into Ulta as we waited for Jordan and Mark to arrive. Sierra had to go to the bathroom and took off to the back of the store. I was standing at the front entrance waiting and waiting and waiting for her to come out. As Jordan and Mark arrived, I started realizing that Sierra had to shit and not tinkle like I thought at first. So we just start walking around until Sierra finally came out. She pulled me to the side and told me how she defected on the bathroom floor because she did not make it to the toilet in time. I still do not know why it took so long if she did not clean it up. We acted like nothing happened as me and Mark walked around goofing off as Sierra helped Jordan pick out make up. The one issue that I noticed and was justified after was how Sierra treated Jordan the rest of the night. Sierra was pushy and acted nasty about things because Jordan was not comfortable with these brand new products. Jordan was a minimalist when it came to make up and she was unsure about getting new expensive brands that she had no experience using. When we left that night, Sierra was in a pissy attitude towards Jordan and I believe this was the beginning to the end of her relationship with Jordan.
Following that date, Sierra shared some information with me about Jordan and Mark's desires to move in with each other. I had the bright idea to suggest that we should all move in together. I always wanted to see how it was to live in a split-level. Sierra egged me on to look for affordable places that could help us on rent while giving us a better space. I was finding a new bigger apartment everyday and showing off the pictures and features posted on the sites to Sierra. And everyday Sierra would look at it and just shrug it off. I would ask her everyday about talking with Jordan on apartments, but Sierra would respond saying how she had not talked with Jordan since the date. I was driven to move into a much nicer apartment, I was looking forward to it. The problem was the other couple. Jordan kept dropping plans with Sierra and I. They never talked with each other face to face anymore even though they worked in the same company. Jordan had been subbing in at the Berlin center, so Sierra had limited physical contact with her. The last thing I ever heard about Jordan was Sierra sharing the news of her believing that she was pregnant. I was excited and happy to her Jordan was pregnant, but Sierra was anything but. When Sierra first brought this information to me in such distain. Sierra was actually upset with Jordan, but I never figured out why. Sierra then shared with me about how Jordan was contemplating telling Mark. I could see why because Jordan has not taken any tests or waited completely a second month without her period. Jordan was more worried about how Mark would take the news. Sierra and I felt like Mark would be overjoyed to be a father. He has talked about marrying Jordan and starting a family with her, but he was waiting for a good time to propose. I think what really put a bad attitude in Sierra was Jordan considering an abortion. When Sierra got to that particular detail, she went off. Sierra told me how she gave Jordan a piece of her mind about it. I am still speculating on what things Sierra said about abortion: either shamed Jordan, terrified Jordan, or both. All I know is that Jordan cut all ties with Sierra in every way shape or form. I was becoming so upset with Sierra's attitude towards people as she alienated more of our friends away. This is why it was so hard for us to make any friends.
I am going to share more of our intimate side in our relationship. Looking back on it, I can conclude that sex was fluctuating. When it was good, it was great. When it was bad, it was completely horrible. I am someone that gets bored in a routine. The same old of trying to romance Sierra, ten minutes or so of foreplay to get us in the mood, followed by 30min.–one hour of missionary humping. I have tried to spice things up from time to time by getting kinky or other provocative acts. The more confident I was becoming sexually, the more adventurous I became. I grew to be more desensitized to vaginas and grew more knowledgable on what worked with Sierra. I tried to act out sexual fantasies where I would pull down her pants and go down on her as she was minding to something like the dishes (when ever she actually did them). I wanted new settings, different positions, and most of all...love. I know that might sound weird, but I stand by my claim that I have made to Sierra: "I don't fuck, I make love. I take my time to enjoy the experience leading up". What I felt was missing from sex when we moved out is the passion. It felt like I was the only one getting into sex anymore. I get how my mentality towards sex could bring about mundane routine. I believe in making sure the woman I am sleeping with is nice and taken care of before my needs. I know I am getting to public with my sexuality, but I needed to address my concerns with Sierra and be open. When we took these long drives on the weekends from bowling back to our apartment, I used the time and talk with Sierra. I explained to Sierra that what I needed in our sex was the feeling of being wanted. For someone that had spent most of their life not feeling wanted by the opposite sex, it would have been nice for Sierra to show it a little more better. Sierra handled all the conversations we had on it. She was not offended when I told her that I was not enjoying sex like I use to (at least she did not show if she was upset) and was not upset with me making suggestions in a healthy conversation about sex. I gave her the line about feeling wanted and when Sierra responded back by saying "me too" to all the suggestions, I knew everything was going right over her head. First off, I have been showing you that I want you. I have tried to distract you from the stress of everyday life with my lips, hands, and penis. I have succeeded well at it. Second, trying to prioritize watching tv over participating in sex is not showing any form of want towards me. Even the ugly face you made as you drew in your chin and stretched your neck away from my body just so you could watch Family Guy was off putting. Do you think out of the handful of times were had this conversation, that anything changed? Not in the slightest. Throwing a temper tantrum while talking like a little girl wanting my dick is not a turn on. I do not want to be reminded of work, so act like a woman. Instead of crying because you do not know what I want or like, how about fucking kissing me or even touching me. Obviously, Sierra never paid attention to things I have said in bed. Things I have encouraged her to continue with was always short lived and done once. I have forgotten it myself, I am still learning what feels good for my body because I am a young and inexperienced man. So maybe for future advise: spend time understanding the opposite sex's body like I did. That could save a lot of your tears when you man starts feeling unsatisfied.