The Coalition of Sierra J. Rubenstein

AWW I: July

    I am singling out this month in our relationship as the beginning of doubt developing in me. It started on July 4th. Routinely, me and my family drive up to Arbutus to see me relatives and enjoy watching the public fireworks by the UMBC campus. I invited Sierra to come meet my family and spend the day with me. She told me that she had things to do that day like visit her parents. I even suggested that Sierra could bring down her parents to watch the fireworks, but she refused. Her parents were not on board, is what she told me. I spent that night a little upset that my girlfriend was not there with me and my family. I tried texting her that day, but I only received about three messages from her. Knowing Sierra, it was unlike her to not talk to me. She has had so much work to at various points in our relationship that she still found time to text me for long durations. She multitasks a lot. I found it weird. What did not help any suspicions was the fact that she never told me what she did. I was curious what she was doing with her parents, but it was nothing. I'm not much of the jealous type, but I can not stand sneaking behind my back. It normally means that if I found out what was going on, it would upset me. Sneaking around is almost never a good thing. I do not believe she was ever with her parents that day.
    July was very important for the reason that Sierra started professing her love to me. This had been my longest relationship to date and I had some commitment issues on sharing my feeling of love vocally. I just felt like I did not understand love enough to really be saying it back to Sierra. She would try and force me to say it to her in many ways such as pinning me down on the bed or couch and locking me in my room or bathroom until I said it back. She did this a lot to me until I finally said it without being forced until a little longer down the road. I bring this up because I feel like it was just ironic around the time she started saying "I love you". The end of July, me and my family went to Ocean City for our vacation. I invited Sierra to come along, but her parents were not comfortable with me and my family yet. She became sick when I was down in Ocean City. Here is where I believe Danny's story came in at.
    During most of my relationship, Me and Danny never spoke with each other. Currently, we started talking to each other in 2018. We filled the gaps in our history with Sierra that we could remember and one of Danny's biggest revelations that he shared took place during July 2015. I was enjoying my vacation for the most part, but I missed Sierra so much on that trip. Again, I tried messaging Sierra throughout the week and she was very limited in any conversation. She kept telling me how sick she became from her niece. Danny told me that Sierra went to see him one day when she got off work. His parents forbade him from seeing her ever again, but Danny did not listen to them. He snuck her into his house and started talking about each other. Danny did not recall what exactly they talked about, but they both agreed they missed each other. He said that they had sex. Danny noted that Sierra became upset when she noticed that he lost weight. She apparently started to cry because she felt self-conscious about how big she was. It is ironic that the woman who just started professing her love to me went through with cheating on me six months in our relationship. Just remember that I did not know this happened, but I certainly suspected something was up. I felt that her grief got the best of her around times that she betrayed me in a way. We had a fight around this time when I came back. It was a weird fight, but it started from nothing. She just became angry with me and unhappy with anything I was saying to her. I just sat on the couch in the basement and said nothing else. Since I was not saying anything right, I decided to let her vent. She threw a tv remote at me because I stopped talking. I snapped when I got hit in the chest. I stood up and angrily shouted at her that she does not have the right to do something like that. I then threw her on to the couch, thus beginning the screaming match. She told me, "I don't know why I tolerate your quiet attitude". I decided to drive her home. On the ride there, she kept asking me if we were over or not. I told Sierra I did not know the answer to that. I told her there was something wrong with me. I took blame for why the fight escalated the way it did, but I took her home so I would not get anymore angry with her. When we pulled up to her home, Sierra gave me an emotional goodbye, "When you find out, call me".
She gave me a passionate kiss before leaving the car. The last thing she said to me was, "Can you please message me when you get home? I want to know if you are alright". We would make up by the next day. This was just something else I was learning to be a better boyfriend for the future.