Eating Disorder ||Alren

22.

Troy's pov

I don't know what I'm doing with my life anymore. It's to the point that I drink to numb my pain, but now I just wish I could get poisoned by the sour taste that has become so addicting and just leave this whole place once and for all.

I'm not the same person as I was a few years ago, but who cares? I'm expected to man up and just forget about it. No one asks me how I am.

As a kid I was so used to people telling me that I was acting like a girl for crying when I was at my lowest. It didn't matter if I was okay or not, it still doesn't, but I still enjoyed the little things in life.

Instead, I drown in disappoint as I grew up and experienced endless pain in silence, alone.

Past tears from the horrible nights that I couldn't sleep and just go outside, sit on the rooftop of my parents' house, and chugged whatever was left in the bottles I had beside me. The numbing pain I had was enough to keep me sane for the most part.

Back then I thought I had it hard. Back then I thought those were the worst years of my life and soon I thought things would get better, but they didn't. I had it way easier than I do now.

But I can't go back to how it used to be. I wish I could have gone back and change anything, if I were too, I wouldn't be the same, horrible monster that I am today. I could've changed the way I felt about Ally or how she felt about me.

I remember when my parents had enough of my poor decisions that I made and kicked me out the house and I was forced to stay with Ally for awhile until we both picked up jobs and bought a little home for just the two of us; we talked endlessly about what would we do on our days off, have many pets wandering around, and other things we dreamed about, but never achieved 'cause of me and my poor actions that I made.

Ally and I would always talk with each other and talk about this one thing: We would sit across from each other in the living room floor, completely silent for awhile until one of us spoke about our day; from what bothered us the most to what was the best part of the day. That's it. We just communicated with each other all day and go to bed feeling the weight off of our shoulders.

As we laid next to one another in silence, Ally whispered something in my ear that sent chills all over my body.

"Do you think we'll still be in love in 5 years?" She got closer and closed the gap between us and looked into my eyes, then quickly looked up to the ceiling waiting for my response.

I turned to look at her, confused, wondering why would she asked such a thing? But it got me thinking.

Would we still be together in 5 years? In love, engaged, or completely fall apart? We're doing so good right now and if something were to happen between us that could cause us to part ways, I already know that it would be my fault that I let everything go if were to occur one day.

"I'd hope we would," was all I said and shifted back to the position I was before and closed my eyes slowly, expecting a reply back, but there was nothing.

The rest of the night I woke up every now and then to her tossing and turning constantly, she only does that when something was wrong, but usually she doesn't want to talk about it.

"You good?" I asked, my eyes still remained shut. No response.

"Ally, are you good?" I repeated once more, looking over my shoulder slightly and her back was turned to me, as she hugged the pillow to her chest tightly. Nothing.

I sighed heavily and turned to the other side, hugged her from behind and stayed like that for the rest of the night.

After that night, everything was different somehow; it just went downhill from there.

--

What am I to her now? Probably a dead-beat boyfriend to her.

How do I control my feelings so that they won't hurt anyone else anymore?

All this guilt building up ever since I could remember, but never tried to put a stop to it.

I never felt anything like this with anyone before.

So what can I do now that I could've done a long time ago?

--

How do I make things better for the both of us when I can't even help myself at all. I can't stop drinking no matter how hard I try and every day without it, it just gets harder and harder.

It's far too late now.

I've gotten too deep.

And so it begins.

--

-AZ

+

Hi

Here's a short update but it is definitely something big hehe

It was my birthday on August 30th AND I WAS SO SUPPOSED TO UPDATE THEN- but like I forgot :3

SORRY!

More to come- Like Comment Vote for more updates on this book and others!:)