Trip Hazard

Al-co-hol

Noah

My body is as stiff and aching as my heart. Great. Now I've descended into thinking just like a fucking tortured poet. Fuck's sake. I need a distraction. Just get up and get over it, I tell myself. I need something for me to disappear in. Something where I don't need to think. I've got it. A party. I flick through my phone to see if there are any parties around. I see a message from Cody today that I haven't opened. Bingo.

Cody 12:45

Hey Noah, having a party at mine tonight, celebrating those rats leaving the premise ;)  u and the gang should come, lots of booze ;)

It's just what I need. Plus, I know that we're all having a movie night round Seth's, so I don't have to worry about them being there. Their messages keep pinging though my phone but I don't read them. I don't want their sympathy, I don't deserve their forgiveness. I don't really want to see them. Seeing them means explaining what happened and explaining what happened means processing what happened. And I'm not really ready for that because I know I've just ruined a friendship. The things I said...oh my God. I just want to be alone, but I'm afraid of being lonely. Especially now that the anger's left me too.

I don't care what I'm wearing, so I just chuck on an old t shirt, faded jeans and some sneakers. It's not like I'm trying to impress someone.

I pick up my wallet and my phone and as I do I notice a text from Clara.

Clara 3:15

Good luck for your presentation, i'm super proud of you! Sorry it's late, got stuck in practice again. Call me later? X

I bite my lip. I've let her down as well. Fuck. I don't deserve her. I don't deserve Elijah. I don't deserve Isaac. I don't deserve anything. I'm just a constant disappointment to all of them. I send a reply to Clara, but really I could be speaking to any of them. I don't tell them enough.

Noah 8:32

you know how much i love you, right?

Clara 8:33

of course i do N, everything okay????

Noah 8:34

i just don't tell you enough

Clara 8:35

yes you do, what's wrong? call me.

She's worried about me. She shouldn't be. I'll be fine. After a few drinks.

Noah 8:40

nothing's wrong, i can't right now, call later

An empty promise, but that's all I can face right now.

Clara 8:40

love you N

I shove my phone deep down into my jean pockets, and walk to Cody's.

//

Whoever said alcohol is a poison is completely right. Everything's moving in slow motion, but I like it. Is there such thing as a good poison? Hahaha, yep, now there is. Alcohol. Al-co-hol. Funny word really. I lost count how many drinks I had after five. It doesn't really matter though, right? No one's here to tell me to stop. No Noah Watch today sir. Mmmm. Someone should be telling me to stopppp. But why would I do that, when I'm feeling the best I have all day? Well apart from the morning because everything was funnnn then, I even still had two best friends. Now I have two best friends minus two. Which makes zero. I giggle. Zero best friends is no good. All because I said some stupiddd shit. Hahahahaha. Elijah doesn't even realise I know yet. Maybe I should call him and tell him he's been a very very bad boy. I don't even care about the cigarettes, it's what they lead to that is really naughty. Bad Elijah. Nahhh. Why am I thinking about him anyways? I need another drink, this one's almost half gone.